emo again

im feeling weird.. depressed.. sad.. i duno.. i jus know i shouldn't feel this way.. but i am..

Crazy me!

I did the craziest thing of my life today!

First, it was retail therapy. I spent a f**king $150!

Then, it was blood donation for the first time. The needle was damn BIG can?! Fortunately, the auntie there was very friendly. Felt so cold and was trembling so much. HAHA. Aiya, first time mah.. But it wasn't as bad as I think lah cos they administered anesthesia before they actually pierced the gigantic needle into my flesh. I held my breathe for a moment and phew~ everything was done in 5 minutes. I really hope there's nth wrong with my blood when they send it for testing before releasing it to hospitals to save life.

Lol. I really can't imagine what my mum will think of me when she comes home. HAHA. Must be thinking her son has gone crazy.

Oh.. And there's suddenly a dramatic change in my brother's attitude. He actually requested my mum to get him a watch so that he didn't have to bring his phone to school. Reason being that he didn't want to get distracted by SMS as well as to prevent his friends from contacting him and asking him out to play. Whao~ I really can't believe his day of maturity has finally come. Hope he maintains his attitude and does well for his O levels so he can achieve his dream of becoming a pilot.

Well, that's all for today I guess. Shall update more when I've time.

:D

I was just talking about that stupid taxi fare hike yesterday but I didn't expect it to happen to me today. It cost me 10 freaking dollars to get me from Aljunied to SGH. Argh. Anyway, the X-ray results came out and it's because of wear and tear of some parts of the spine that's causing me so much back pains every now and then. looks like apart from getting regular physiotherapy, there's nth much I can do about it. Hopefully it does help.

Pleasant things have been happening to people around me lately. I sort of met Michelle today and she told me she got NUH Scholarship!! Not bursary but scholarship leh! Which means she don't have to pay for her tuition fees AT ALL! I'm so jealous but at the same time envious of her! She's so so lucky!!! Wish her best of luck in her uni life! :D

Back to myself. I've more or less made up my mind to retake the A levels again next year. I'm aiming for at least AAB. I know it sounds impossible, especially for that dreadful GP paper. Haix, but after thinking about it, I think it's achievable if I put in enough effort. I need that scholarship badly!! My parents can't afford my university fees and I really really want to get into NUS (Science)! Argh. Hopefully I can do it bah. Haix.. God, please please tolong tolong help me ah!!

I really have to make many adjustments to my present corked-up life. I must get out of this depressed state. I can't remain like this forever.

I MUST FIND HAPPINESS!!!!

uber-happy

i think something's really wrong with me for the last 2 days lol. i've been feeling so superduperhigh up to a point where i can't actually go to bed at night due to the high levels of adrenaline pumping to my brain. lol. this unprecedented feeling is really really awesome!! i haven't had such euphoric feeling for a long long time ever since i was in sec 4! i can even smile in my dreams. lol!

*i just hope this happiness will last forever...

此刻的思想

你说的话在我心中生了根
承诺常常很像蝴蝶
美丽的飞盘旋然后不见

记忆在我的心中翻滚
太多疑问知道答案又如何
残忍时间 总要把诺言 一点点摧毁
是不是每一个人
都像我一样笨

我并不是天生爱寂寞
却比任何人都多
就算把世界给我
我还是一无所有

我的天空今天有点灰
我的心是个落叶的季节
我要快乐哪怕笑的再大声
心不是热的全都是假的
只有眼泪是真的

我不知道如何度过今夜
所有的灯 早已经全都熄灭
我需要的平静
是敢回头看曾经…

*Sometimes, ignorance is bliss...

Dengue Fever

I'm feeling very sick since saturday but I didn't tell anyone until I totally cannot take it today. My temperature shot up to 39 degree celsius this morning coupled with severe headache, muscle and joint pains and I blacked out 3 times - once in the toliet and twice while making my way to the polyclinic. It was a terribly long wait. When it was finally my turn, the doctor directed me immediately to the laboratory for a blood test for fear that I contracted dengue fever. Fortunately, the report came out negative. I hate falling sick. I think it's time I take better care of my own body.

Resignation to fate

I can't eat. I can't sleep. I'm too tired to whine anymore. Come what may. I can't be bothered. I can't do anything about it either. Even if god wants to keep playing such tricks on me, I'm too weak to fight back. I can't do anything about it...

*If one day I disappeared from your side, do not cry, do not call my name. just let me leave in silence.

Emo state.

"It's just emotions taking me over..."