Friendship? Think about that.

I'm jealous. At the same time angry with myself. I suck at human relations. My heart get swayed so easily. While some others are having fun joining their classmates/camp mates/ etc, I'm here spending time alone, pondering over many failed relationships, hoping to find answers, but failed. Terribly.

But one thing is for sure, at least I know friends like KC and KY are still there, waiting for me to open up, reach out, befriend with them once again after losing contact for some time. I know people start questioning me and pointing fingers at me saying that I never do enough to reach out to them, speak up, etc and I expected that coming. It hurts raking up my past. I try my best to move on. And so far, I'm only prepared to take baby steps.

However, it was KC/KY who pulled me out of where I was from and gave me directions towards friendship and life. Life is a very shitty game but its graphics are amazing. Indeed, we paint our lives with colours we want but we need a second pair of eyes at times to judge our masterpiece, and teaching us how we should improve from there. For that, I thank them for playing that role, guiding me all these while, never giving up, never forgetting me, never forgetting my presence.

I am an introvert since young and I love to stay at home. The way I am brought up, the circumstances I was put into shaped me into the character I have today. I dislike that character but its really hard (trust me) to really try and change asap. There have been setbacks, there are times when I try too hard but end up with nothing and there are times when I wished I am invisible. But I know now that at least these 2 people know me well enough to help me change, at least a little. They try to pull me out for gatherings whenever they can, whether it's for a simple swimming session for 2 hrs to simple lunch/dinner or even an hour on the chat line.

Isn't that how friends should be? We complement for each other's weaknesses, we give each other support from the heart, we help each other improve, we analyse each other's problems, find possible solutions, we cry, laugh, go through shit, share experiences with each other, not a lot but at least a little to hold the conversation and understand each other better, rather than get all busy with work, with other social gatherings, immensing ourselves in self-improvement and studies and neglect the closest people beside you.

Food for thought, perhaps?