Emotions

I feel so overwhelmed by emotions after reading jas's blog. I'm feeling so touched. The post just make me tear in my eyes but I'm holding it back. Time really flies. In another few days' time, they'll be leaving Singapore for their overseas attachment. I really can't imagine how alone, how lost I might feel when they're away. But I just want to wish them "All The Best!" and that I'll definitely miss them so much when they leave!! Forget me not my besta best friends!

100th post

There are some stuff which I really feel like posting here but thought it'd be rather inappropriate as the whole world will know about it.. Argh.. How.. But I really feel like telling someone about it.. But who..?

UPDATE!

Right. Eugene shall update today.

My long wkend had just passed but there wasn't anything meaningful i did at all. Computer broke down. Back pain came back. Boring I know but I really can't find anything else to do. I fell asleep when doing revision. My eyes shut automatically when i see words. Goodness. Worse, I MISSED THE BEIJING OLYMPICS OPENING CEREMONY!! Prestigious Chinese event but I actually missed it.

Haix.. Whatever lah.. I just wish each day will end quickly.

emo again

im feeling weird.. depressed.. sad.. i duno.. i jus know i shouldn't feel this way.. but i am..

Crazy me!

I did the craziest thing of my life today!

First, it was retail therapy. I spent a f**king $150!

Then, it was blood donation for the first time. The needle was damn BIG can?! Fortunately, the auntie there was very friendly. Felt so cold and was trembling so much. HAHA. Aiya, first time mah.. But it wasn't as bad as I think lah cos they administered anesthesia before they actually pierced the gigantic needle into my flesh. I held my breathe for a moment and phew~ everything was done in 5 minutes. I really hope there's nth wrong with my blood when they send it for testing before releasing it to hospitals to save life.

Lol. I really can't imagine what my mum will think of me when she comes home. HAHA. Must be thinking her son has gone crazy.

Oh.. And there's suddenly a dramatic change in my brother's attitude. He actually requested my mum to get him a watch so that he didn't have to bring his phone to school. Reason being that he didn't want to get distracted by SMS as well as to prevent his friends from contacting him and asking him out to play. Whao~ I really can't believe his day of maturity has finally come. Hope he maintains his attitude and does well for his O levels so he can achieve his dream of becoming a pilot.

Well, that's all for today I guess. Shall update more when I've time.

:D

I was just talking about that stupid taxi fare hike yesterday but I didn't expect it to happen to me today. It cost me 10 freaking dollars to get me from Aljunied to SGH. Argh. Anyway, the X-ray results came out and it's because of wear and tear of some parts of the spine that's causing me so much back pains every now and then. looks like apart from getting regular physiotherapy, there's nth much I can do about it. Hopefully it does help.

Pleasant things have been happening to people around me lately. I sort of met Michelle today and she told me she got NUH Scholarship!! Not bursary but scholarship leh! Which means she don't have to pay for her tuition fees AT ALL! I'm so jealous but at the same time envious of her! She's so so lucky!!! Wish her best of luck in her uni life! :D

Back to myself. I've more or less made up my mind to retake the A levels again next year. I'm aiming for at least AAB. I know it sounds impossible, especially for that dreadful GP paper. Haix, but after thinking about it, I think it's achievable if I put in enough effort. I need that scholarship badly!! My parents can't afford my university fees and I really really want to get into NUS (Science)! Argh. Hopefully I can do it bah. Haix.. God, please please tolong tolong help me ah!!

I really have to make many adjustments to my present corked-up life. I must get out of this depressed state. I can't remain like this forever.

I MUST FIND HAPPINESS!!!!

uber-happy

i think something's really wrong with me for the last 2 days lol. i've been feeling so superduperhigh up to a point where i can't actually go to bed at night due to the high levels of adrenaline pumping to my brain. lol. this unprecedented feeling is really really awesome!! i haven't had such euphoric feeling for a long long time ever since i was in sec 4! i can even smile in my dreams. lol!

*i just hope this happiness will last forever...

此刻的思想

你说的话在我心中生了根
承诺常常很像蝴蝶
美丽的飞盘旋然后不见

记忆在我的心中翻滚
太多疑问知道答案又如何
残忍时间 总要把诺言 一点点摧毁
是不是每一个人
都像我一样笨

我并不是天生爱寂寞
却比任何人都多
就算把世界给我
我还是一无所有

我的天空今天有点灰
我的心是个落叶的季节
我要快乐哪怕笑的再大声
心不是热的全都是假的
只有眼泪是真的

我不知道如何度过今夜
所有的灯 早已经全都熄灭
我需要的平静
是敢回头看曾经…

*Sometimes, ignorance is bliss...

Dengue Fever

I'm feeling very sick since saturday but I didn't tell anyone until I totally cannot take it today. My temperature shot up to 39 degree celsius this morning coupled with severe headache, muscle and joint pains and I blacked out 3 times - once in the toliet and twice while making my way to the polyclinic. It was a terribly long wait. When it was finally my turn, the doctor directed me immediately to the laboratory for a blood test for fear that I contracted dengue fever. Fortunately, the report came out negative. I hate falling sick. I think it's time I take better care of my own body.

Resignation to fate

I can't eat. I can't sleep. I'm too tired to whine anymore. Come what may. I can't be bothered. I can't do anything about it either. Even if god wants to keep playing such tricks on me, I'm too weak to fight back. I can't do anything about it...

*If one day I disappeared from your side, do not cry, do not call my name. just let me leave in silence.

Emo state.

"It's just emotions taking me over..."

Sexy back

lyrics extracted and edited from Justin Timberlake's "Sexy Back"

I'm bringin' sexy back
Them other boys they don't know how to act
I think it's special... what's behind my back
keep scrolling down you'll be shocked of my back




You ready?




You ready?




You ready?




Uh...



(Yes)




Ta-da!

For fat "go-ers"

Did you know?

Drinking a glass of iced water can increase your metabolic rate by 24% for the next 90 minutes! Which means you can burn fats 24% faster with every glass of cold water!

*Fats fats go away...

Digital Camera

My mum finally got a DIGITAL CAMERA!
- And I can't stop camwhore-ing with it.

Next on the list - JC prelim papers.

I just wanna...

I really really really wanted to blog about something joyful, something happy, something sweet... but I can't. I really can't.

I don't wanna go back. I really don't wanna go back. I'm supposed to be free... to be liberated... Why must all good things always come to an end. Why must there always be unhappy moments every time after that few days of happy life. I can't take it anymore. I really can't take it anymore. I wish I could voice it out... I know I might feel better after voicing it out but I don't know why. I just can't bring myself to say. Words just roll back into my lungs when they reach my throat. I really need help. I really don't know what I'll do next.


I just wanna be small. really really small. small. small. small. small...
I just wanna die.

hospitalised

UPDATE!
I'm back not from camp but from SGH. Will blog about it when I feel like it next time. Too tired and giddy to blog any more stuff today.

Anyway, be cautious! DO NOT click on any links inside my comments column after every post. Apparently, someone's trying to spread some com viruses around and my computer got it already. So, BEWARE!

-heartfelt thanks to clique who came visiting, aunties and cousins!! and of cos not forgetting my lovely mum and dad who kept me companied much of the time. deeply appreciated. :)

backie

i'm finally back after spending another 13 odd days in camp. and it was e first time i emo-ed in camp after about a month or so. i couldn't take it anymore.

i had been coughing persistently for 3 weeks already and I really dunno what's wrong with me. my back still hurts as usual, my rashes became worse (now even my hands and legs have rashes), i get giddy spells every now and then and my legs get numbed every time i sit down for 3 minutes or so. tell me please, what's wrong with me. I really wanna know. and e only thk i can ever think of is that i've a weak heart either that low blood pressure?? blood cant flow to brain -> giddy, blood cant flow to legs -> numbness, blood cant flow to back -> back pain??

another month to POP and another 1 year and 8 months to ORD. Please tell me what to do.

SIMPLE LIFE

还是喜欢原汁原味的“面包花”。

BATMAN EUGENE RETURNS.

Finally booked out yesterday after 2 agonizing weeks with a cough and sore throat. And I'm super tanned and FAT now. My dad couldn't recognise me at the train station yesterday too. I must say that I had a really hard time adapting to NS life but I'm also quite glad that I made it through the 16 long days.

I was on drips for 2 days 2 weeks before cos my back hurt so much after carrying the heavy field pack and stuff. I really wanted to cry my hearts out but I totally had no strength to. God knows I was actually allergic to the pain killer jab for my back pain. Ended up having swollen eyes and a swollen face but the pain's still there. Haix. I'll still have to sacrifice one weekend to make up for the lessons I missed. Really hope they can squeeze some time next week to help make up for it without affecting my weekends and labour day break.

I was totally shagged yesterday but I still had to make a visit to the chinese physician because of my back pain. I had acupunture and stuff and my whole back is now blue-black. Notice those red, itchy rashes I have too. Haix.





And I've yet to recieve any university letters yet. Many of my bulk mates have already recieved their acceptance letter into NTU and SMU already. Boo. Actually, I quite expected this outcome already but it's still hard to accept the fact. Haix. I'm feeling quite sad over it but I can only hope for the best.

breathe NS

My happy days seemed so yesterday. I just woke up with this really weird feeling today. I didn't sleep well last night. It seemed like it's the last day I'm gonna stay on this earth. The feeling is just so bizzare. Memories just kept flashing back and the feeling of anticipation seems like it's gonna devour me any moment. My mum kept speaking to me today but whatever i heard was "blah blah blah blah blah". I just didn't have the mood to pay attention to her. HAHA. End up I just kept quiet and sat there while she went on and on. My mum's really worried, even more worried than me. My dad was pretty calm. HAHA. Let's not talk about my brother. haha. He doesn't love me at all. Blehx.

Anyway, I've been listening to this really old song called "A moment like this" by Kelly Clarkson and I'm quite sureprised to actually be able to find another rendition by Leona Lewis which I thought was slightly better than Kelly's cos i got pulled into the song cos I actually erm.. dropped a tear after listening to it. Hey, I'm not a person who will cry easily after listening to songs de hor!! haha. so to be gan dong by the song i think she did a really good job. She made me remember so much of stuff.. My family, friends, stage performances.. I suddenly imagined myself standing on stage and singing this song during the so-called finale. haha. I think it'd b damn cool!!!

Alright, I'm gonna miss miss miss all of ya here and of cos my bed, my pillow, my bolster, my aircon, my study desk, my pencil case, my pencils, my pens, my shoe rack, my shoes, my clothes, my cupboard, my t shirts, my shorts, my pants, my... ...
*Muacks to all*

A Moment like this

KPOP

Right, I've been crazy over K-POP again. And yes, I'm in love with SJ's songs.

I really dun see what's wrong with guys liking an all boy's band group. If liking an all boy's band group is "gay" then why do guys still listen to male singers' songs? Lee Sheng Jie, Tank, Luo Zhi Xiang.. Aren't they guys as well.. Aren't guys singing their songs in K-BOX as well? Then, what's the problem with becoming a fan of an all boys' band?

I get quite pissed at times by the comments ppl say but I jus find it pointless explaining to them. To them I'm "gay". Fine, so be it.

*F*ck LSM. SJ-M? -- Whatever.

peeling skin like peeling banana

there's something really wrong with me. My face was burning yesterday and it started peeling. it's like so sudden lor. then now like red red. I NEED A DERMATOLOGIST! it's so gross.

then this morning my hands started peeling too. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! how how how????

computer idiot

i guess im really a computer idiot after all. there's jus so much stuff i need to learn!

even simple things like making e comments column under each post to changing the font size of the tagboard i only managed to learn it like now? after 3 years of blogging? -.-

oh gosh. cant take it anymore.

mundane life

life has been pretty mundane these days.. hm.. at least for me i guess.. as i anticipate eagerly for the arrival of 090408. argh. kinda bothered by this date as days draw nearer..

i told myself i'll use this 3 free months to learn photoshop, photography, manga drawing, doing up my own blogskin etc etc but sadly, very sadly, i havent done any of the above. thinking of that it's been ages since i did some physical education. urgh.

a good digicam costs also ard $700 for a relatively good one, photoshop costs like $690, a manga drawing book is costly as well. worse, without photoshop = no blogskin. urgh. no choice, gotta do sth jus to kill some time. so ta-da! my new blogskin's up. ahaha. it's like love on first sight. even my bro likes it! woah.. he's someone who doesn't like such stuff so i guess it must be pretty eye-catching for him to like it huh..

and i've found 2 songs which i pretty much like and i've kinds decided to post the chinese one first. oh gosh! i jus so admire stefanie sun. lucky girl.



雨天
孙燕姿

站在十字路的交点
该怎么走
我却只想回头
除了你给的伞
我再也没有
别的借口
去拥有你的什么

你能体谅我有雨天
偶尔胆怯 你都了解
过去那些
大雨落下的瞬间
我突然发现
谁能体谅我的雨天
所以情愿回你身边
此刻脚步 会慢一些
如此坚决
你却越来越远

牵手和分手
来自同一双手
作回朋友
我却悔恨不懂挽留

你能体谅我有雨天
偶尔胆怯 你都了解
过去那些
大雨落下的瞬间
我突然发现
谁能体谅我的雨天
所以情愿回你身边
此刻脚步 会慢一些
如此坚决
你却越来越远

是否太晚 路已走远
我的眼眶泪太满
走不回你身边

你能体谅我有雨天
偶尔胆怯 你都了解
过去那些
大雨落下的瞬间
我突然发现
谁能体谅
我的雨天
此刻脚步 会慢一些
如此坚决
你却越来越远

i'm jus wondering where on earth does she actually find the "feel" to sing such songs. haha. it's like so emotional and so lotsa-feel. haha.

P.S.if anyone who actually reads my pathetic blog, who has any kids, cousins, etc who's interested in chinese, chem, bio, maths perhaps tuition, may wanna intro 1 or 2 to me. thanks!

what i want in life

i guess it's always good to have someone older who looks after you. like an elder brother or sth. i never have that chance though. geez.

university talks weren't of much help. i'm reluctant myself to actually get into university. i always thought that by entering a jc, there were 2 extra years for me to think what i want to become. but that 2 years wasn't of much help either. i figured out recently that i've been running away from reality ever since i've decided to get into jc and im back to square one. the thought of living an aimless life for the last 18 years scares me. my future had been arranged by my parents ever since i was young so much so that i've lost the instinct to make my own life choices.

many decisions that i tried making turned out worse than i thought and i've been desensitised to make yet another decision on my own.. when can i ever get out of my own defenses to achieve what i want in life? i don't know.

perhaps another adam khoo workshop could help...


我不想再当一只没主见的井底之蛙了。。。

frustrations

i dun feel happy at all. like something is missing. my brain feels so empty but my heart feels so heavy. the devil and angel had been playing tricks on me ever since judgement day last fri. at times, i feel i didnt make the wrong choice, and that for the amount of efforts i've put in, the results that turned out was already better than expected. but on the other hand, the devil's telling me that i should blame the ppl ard me, the environment, the tchers and everyone else ard me. then again, the question since others can do it, why can't i keeps reverberating inside my mind. like nightmares after nightmares after nightmares.

the more ppl encourages me, the more ppl say that i did well, the more pathetic i felt i was. like are they saying the truth? are they mocking at me? are they trying to be sacrastic? even my parents doesn't understand me at all. my mum had been forcing me to make decisions that she wants, not sth which i want. she thinks she knows everything but she doesn't. she don't even know after 2 years of my entire f*cked up JC life, what i am actually studying. she still thinks i studied H2 Econs and Maths and H1 Bio in JC. Omgosh. i've told her at least 5 times. aren't i pathetic.

if that's not pathetic enough, she has been forcing me to go into engineering saying that there's a better job prospect in the future. come on, if i wanted to be an engineer, i'd hav taken physics in JC. she's not helping at all, jus adding to my frustrations.

im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im a pathetic soul.im pathetic.

shit life

shitty results = shitty brain = shitty me

judgement day

No more agony and waits for it's here this friday.
http://www.moe.gov.sg/press/2008/pr20080303.htm

surprisingly, no one actually went ga-ga over it on their blogs.

电视感受

原本想把埋怨发泄在博客上，后来想想其实把我昨晚看电视的一些感受放上来反而更有意义。

昨晚在看优频道的综艺大哥大后，我正在看新闻过后便转台到八频道。我不晓得那节目的名称。虽然只看了那最后五分钟，但感受却很多，突然就涌了上来，泪水在眼眶中打转。

记者访问了一些孤苦伶仃的老人，他们无依无靠，没有子女，或被子女抛弃。令我印象深刻的是备受方的一位阿麽。她行动不方便，自己没办法工作，靠的市政府每个月给的200多元养老金，扣掉房租40元和水电费100多元，剩下的也只有100元那么多。靠着这100元，她需要省吃俭用。鳉鱼仔和几根菜煮汤能让她吃上一天。随着消费税的提高，许多日常用品，吃的，喝的，也跟着提高。每天花多50毛，一块，一个月就得花多30块左右。对她来说经济上的负担越来越重但却无能为力。唯一能做得也只有吃少一天，用少一些。

令我感到心酸并不是这些。阿麽关心的并不是开销大，而是她本身的生后事。“我都已经这样老了，谁会要我。” “我不怕死。每个人也要经历一次，只是早跟晚而已。” 她受访时那伤心的样子还深深地印在我脑海里。虽然她嘴里说不怕死，但我知道她心里是多么的害怕，害怕自己一个人，静静的，孤零零的，离开这世界。她还得托人帮她办理自己的生后事。“死后将摆三天的裳事，能让人来坐坐，看看我一下。自己会出一点钱，买一些包子和冲一包茶好让客人来坐坐时有东西吃。第三天，把我给烧（火化）了，就这样。搞定。” 我看了之后，眼泪不由知几的留了下来。一方面是让我想起的已经过世的外婆，另一方面也让我领悟到原来社会上仍然有很多很多的人，需要我们的关怀，帮助。看了电视后，忽然有一种冲动，很想马上冲进电视里去帮助那位阿么。我坐在那儿泣不成声，身体也不听使唤的颤抖着。

我知道很多人都认为我是一个cry baby，什么都流泪，但处了哭，我不知道应该如何接受一些突如其来的情绪变化。虽然心里有很多感触想和大家分享，但我写不下去了。虽然如此，我想从今以后，我一定会去珍惜我身边所有所有的人，因为我知道，一旦失去了就再也找不到了。

dreaming of A level results

it's hard to believe but i dreamt of A level results day again.

scene 1
i sms eileen asking her how she did.
supposedly she did well cos she say she'd treat me to a drink. muahahaha

scene 2
i saw jian xiong, shu heng and eugene law in the dream!! they were sitting in the hall and eugene law was like jumping jumping hoping to get the results soon then suddenly changed scene

scene 3
cant rmb =.=

then again, i just woke up after scene 3. ahh. it's so torturing can.

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." - Eleanor Roosevelt

feb 29

feb 29 - a very very special day that occurs only once in every four years. and on this very special day, i want to make a BIG shoutout to everyone who ever visits my blog: WHEN THE HELL WILL THAT BLOODY A LEVEL RESULTS BE OUT?!

current state

i'm not feeling better. the giddy spells keep coming on and off as usual. so i actually headed down to see a chinese physician (sinseh) today with my grandmother. the diagnosis: "cold" and weak stomach and intestines. low blood pressure. have to avoid oily, deep fried food, soft drinks or cold desserts, nuts and cookies. then she prescribed a whole list of herbs for me and i have to take it for 2 weeks, 3 times per week, 2 dosage per time.

anyway, met jian xiong on the way back followed by bryan. one's tall and one's handsome. what can i say? ha. perhaps im intermediate ;P. anyway, bryan's working at the student care centre which john used to work.

jian xiong actually reads my blog! haha. at least something which he asked me actually shows he read it closely. right, i've floaters in my eyes, both of them. it's a fact and it's not going to go away. it's rather ironic for there's no cure for it at the moment (hopefully there is in e near future) and it ususally happens to myopic with degrees higher than 500. yep.i jus dun wanna remember those haunting memories of them anymore so dun bother asking me why i developed those stuff for i also don't know.

back to my main post. wanted to blog sth which i didnt get the chance to cos my com crashed a few days ago and i jus cant start it. the problem keeps recurring signalling that perhaps it's time to get a new computer. anyway, i've actually thought through alot, even in my dreams that perhaps if i dun do well this time for the BIG As, it's due to my pure laziness and the lack of self-motivation. but luckily, after pondering over it over the last few days while i was lying in bed, i realised actually deep down in my heart i still want to be a teacher. those pianist thing, singer thing is just a want and not a need. it's just some temporarily thoughts that gets in the way every now and then. so this time if i really really really cannot make it, i'm considering retaking it. it's sth which i must do to achieve what i wanted. something which is practical and of use.

something that happened today made me even more sure of it. the auntie over at the counter at the physician centre actually said she had a daughter my age and she was so happy when she heard i went to a jc over a poly. i just found what she said was so impactful. she kept encouraging me to go to university. she beemed from ear to ear and my ah ma was like so proud of it. haha. yep. so from now on, whatever i do, i must put in my 101% for i know there are ppl who still encourages and cares for me out there who feels happy for me even when they dun say so. i must not let my family members down. GAMBETTE, EUGENE , GAMBETTE!

dizzy spell's back. got to go. :)

stomachache

i'm too weak to care about the world around me. didnt sleep well last night. had runs 5 times today and i almost fainted in the toliet. still feeling jelly and nausea. didnt go to work today. i need more rest.

stomachache

i'm still feeling very very very uncomfortable. very weak and giddy and my limbs are jelly. i can feel my intestines contracting every now and then. i have to take a rest again. just hope i'll recover soon. :(

stomachache

i had a very very bad stomachache since yesterday, a suspected case of enteritis coupled with nausea, fever, stomach pain. but the sh*t just refuse to come out even after i've taken some diarrhoea medication. i'm still feeling giddy and my abdomen feels weird, like the intestines are jammed up with bowel.

i've read in this month's reader's digest that belly aching could be due to a number of reasons and one of the most interesting reasons that i suspect i have is stress connection. "blame the enteric nervous system" which "has its own muscles, nerves and neurotransmitters, which tell the gut to move its content through the body...when you're stressed, there are an abnormal number of signals firing away. that can lead to discomfort." Reader's Digest February 2008

true enough, i've not been having good sleep these few nights. i just can't get myself to sleep. may be i'm just too worried over the release of the A level results. i've also been dreaming so much these days which means my sleep patterns are interrupted and i still feel lethargic even though i've slept till 10 am. T.T
let's just hope that that day would come quickly for 长痛不如短痛. the earlier we know, the faster we can plan the next step to take in life.

lost friend

i lost a friend 2 days ago. someone whom i've been working with for the last 2 months. someone who is always so cheerful and optimistic, who doesn't get angry even if you scream at him. muddle-headed he was, like a fly who lost its head.

but now, he's gone. he's never going to come back. the entire electrical department which he was once in charge was usually silent that day. the once fun and lively atmosphere was filled with sorrow, despair and agony when everyone recieved the appalling news. nobody, including myself, could accept the fact that that 26 year old chap would leave us just like that. but this could also be a relieve for him as he is free from the sufferings which he would have had if he were to live.

as for the department, everyone still had to keep it running even though there is nobody in-charge for the moment. as for me, all i could do was to help them to the best ability when i'm at work. that's all i can say for now.


梁静茹
生命中不可承受的轻





让耳机　循环这频率
反覆超重低音　震动著宁静
挡风玻璃里　爱成了蒙太奇
我　哼著我自己　的叹息

只是爱与被爱的比例
不是爱或不爱的问题
如果明天还有好天气　都已经跟你没关系

你让我梦见了太美的梦　生命中不可承受的轻
你　证明了每一颗流星　都遥不可及
你因为了我每个所以　所以了这一百年孤寂
你　洒下默默无言的雨　一滴
一滴一滴一滴滴　遗忘的泪滴

偶阵雨　偶尔会天晴
还好星光熠熠　好心的提醒
一个人追寻　一个人的和平
我　看见我自己　的天际

爱真的需要一点勇气
就看我们敢不敢忘记
我和彩虹最短的直径　也不一定没有你不行

你让我梦见了太美的梦　生命中不可承受的轻
你　证明了每一颗流星　都遥不可及
你因为了我每个所以　所以了这一百年孤寂
你　洒下默默无言的雨　一滴
一滴一滴一滴滴　遗忘的泪滴

就让我狠狠的加速前进　脱离你所给我的梦境
再　零点零零一公里　就可以清醒
我决定不再等你决定　我决定不再当局者迷
我决定属於我自己的黎明
距离你一世纪　下一个世纪

shocking news

i'm shocked. stunned. out of words.
some incident happened today. and made me realise something.
that looks can be decieving.
appearance can never be trusted.
i need to learn. to differentiate the good from e bad.
and not be so foolish anymore.

2nd post

had a wonderful time meeting with old frens over a simple dinner. the smell of the melted cheese still lingers in my mouth. will rmb the slap cos i said e wrong thing. and e story of e mandarin orange. and e talk over e short, dark and "teh" girl whom not many ppl can stand.

on the side note, i'm willing to accept criticism and change for the better. it's time to be more "man". promise i'll show improvement the next time u see me.

“Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfils the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.” -Sir Winston Churchill

insonmia

i had (bad) insomnia last night. i laid down at 11pm but didnt sleep. used com until 3am. still wide awake. then laid down on bed again and twist and turn till 7am.couldn't take it anymore so just woke up and went for morning jog. too long didnt exercise liao today too vigorous until almost fainted. got that kind of vomit feeling. but im still damn energertic. what's wrong with me???

A level results

"you are the last and worse in the class"
"i don't know what to do with you. i'm gonna send u to MOE..."

and i woke up. nightmare.
dreaming of A level results release day is indeed very torturing. :(

"anticipation kills"

kbox

omgosh. kbox was so uber-fun today! got to scream my hearts out and sing until lose control. don't believe? ask jas. haha. im e king of e world...and a humourous guy too. :P

"Supercalifragilisticexpialidoceous"

spop hurray!

要写好歌曲，华文基础要打得好，不能只停在交谈的阶段，那个是不够的。
was watching spop hurray ytday and this sentence (or sth along that line) said by xu huan liang actually resounded in my mind. true enough, my chinese standard had dropped so much ever since i last took my A level chinese paper. scoring an A for chinese in singapore doesn't mean anything at all. i still feel i have much room for improvement and im still not up to the mark yet. perhaps, more hard work is still needed before i can try song-writing or even script-writing. i don't know, maybe im still an ordinary boy still waiting to be founded, like everybody else. nobody knows.

"unleash your potential"

dreams

okay.. i know it's hard to believe.. but i actually gave my future a careful thought..
I FINALLY HAVE DREAMS!! hahaha.. although it's still quite far-fetched from now.. ahem..

if i get into uni..
i'll be a language teacher

if i dun get into uni..
i'll be a singer cum pianist or actor

okay. no laughing pls. even though i croak when i sing but still... it's e passion that keeps one going.. woah~ well, that's my chinese new year resolution for this yr.

"the future belongs to those who see possibilities before they become obvious..."

quiz

You are 11:59 a.m.

You are late-sleepy relaxation, the half-awake moment when you realize it's morning, but you don't have to get up, because there's no place you have to be. You are that cozy spot under the covers where everything feels temporarily perfect, even if you know you'll eventually have to wiggle out and start the day. Maybe you're the artistic type, who doesn't function well on a normal schedule. Sleep's important to you, and you like the freedom of sleeping as late as you want (especially since that is closely related to the freedom to stay up as late as you want). You like to roll out of bed, put on some comfy clothes, and get a laid back start to the day. If not everything on your list gets accomplished, no worries. Your only priority is having no priorities – you just want to take things at a slow, mellow pace.

cbox deleted

right. my cbox acct got deleted somehow. argh.
-check out my new tagboard instead.

*thanks l for e comment! it brightened up my day :)

CNY shopping spree

hihihihihihi
omgosh. i feel so high and crazy today! damn damn damn damn damn happy. it's like that kinda over the moon into outer space kinda feeling.

went out with l and c today. omgosh. they're jus so fun to be with. haha. eat,shop,eat,shop,drink non-stop. hahaha. and shopping spree~ i finally got my new year clothes. the 2 experts chose them for me. we jus buy and buy and buy and buy. slash and slash my card non-stop. i haven't had so much fun since secondary school.

i didnt actually went to calculate the total cost so much until i came home. i was like oh my goodness. $206.70 on new year clothes?!?! surprsingly, my mum didnt scream at all. perhaps cos i used my own money on these stuff. im totally deadbeat but i thk it was a really meaningful day i had with 2 great friends. hahaha.

anyway, here's a breakdown of how i spent today:

collar white shirt $55.90
black long sleeve $39.00
a pair of jeans $42.00
a belt $39.90
a pair of shoes $29.90

subtotal: $206.70

i bought the wrong shoes. the design was ok but it jus cant suit the shirts i bought. have to look for a pair of bermudas soon to go with it. :)

and i dun forget my family as well!

for mum:
1 bottle of glucosamine $20.20
1 bottle of OLAY© Total effects cream $24.30

subtotal: $44.50

for dad: $50

grand total: $301.20

i thk it was all worth it. im a happy lark today!! woohoo~!! i didnt know spending can be so cool. wahahaha. looks like i have to work harder to earn more money from now on. i can do it!

*special thanks to l for inviting me along. you're a great pal. :)

advertising

im totally disguisted by how they "lelong-ed" my product.
-argh. thou shalt not talk anymore about it.

elated

elated! :)

fingers peeling

my fingers are peeling..
-and i guess all things must come to an end.

transparent

im so transparent today.

reflection

往往外表看起来越友善的人，心里越寂寞。

再过两天，将会更寂寞。。。。。。

cut

i've got a cut on my thumb
-it hurts.

dream

i got so stunned when lee asked me what my dream was.
-i couldn't answer it.

lost

i feel so lost today. :(

euphoric

-sudden rush of euphoria running in my pulse.
i feel so relieved. :)

not myself

I'm not even myself anymore.

我想

我想：“若有一天我在这世上消失了，有人会记得我吗？”

我想。。。

That's what friends are for

That's What Friends Are For

And I never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you

And if I should ever go away
Well, then close your eyes and try to feel
The way we do today
And then if you can remember

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

Well, you came and opened me
And now there's so much more I see
And so by the way I thank you

And then for the times when we're apart
Well, then close your eyes and know
These words are coming from my heart
And then if you can remember

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
In good times, in bad times
I'll be on your side forevermore
That's what friends are for

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forevermore
That's what friends are for

Everlasting memories...

无条件为你

歌名: 无条件为你 歌手: 梁静茹 所属专辑: 闪亮的星

爱你等于拥有一片天空 任何风吹草动　
都有你存在其中 自然而然的轻松
一路到　夏天的尾声
无所谓　到过于激动 我们有笑容　
我们曾心动不再是　无动于衷

无条件为你　不顾明天的安稳
为你变坚强　相信你的眼神
不敢想　不敢问　有一天坏的可能
无条件为你　放弃单独的旅程
为你坚强　就不怕牺牲
我的灵魂　如此沸腾　为我爱的人

喜欢复杂还是习惯单纯 我愿尽力完成
你在我心中几分 难以形容的责任
一路到　夏天的尾声
无所谓　到过于激动
我们有笑容　我们曾心动不再是　无动于衷

无条件为你　不顾明天的安稳
为你变坚强　相信你的眼神
不敢想　不敢问　有一天坏的可能
无条件为你　放弃单独的旅程
为你坚强　就不怕牺牲
我的灵魂　如此沸腾　为我爱的人

爱一个人　付出才会完整无条件　
越爱就越深 永远不分　啊

无条件为你　不顾明天的安稳
为你变坚强　相信你的眼神
不敢想　不敢问　有一天坏的可能
无条件为你　放弃单独的旅程
为你坚强　就不怕牺牲
我的灵魂　如此沸腾　为我爱的人

Forget

I was reading thru my cousin's blog and yes yes yes! This is definitely how I feel..

"And recently..ohmygosh God I really need You. I'm uncertain because I dont know whether someone is..angry with me or not. Cause ahem is not saying anything about it. And I hinted but..no response. What should I dooooo. I'd appreciate a reply, even if its negative..just let me know what you think/feel about it..cause I'd feel really guilty if you dont. And the thing is I like things to be clear..but now its..the scenery is obscure! And ahem is still treating me..well like a friend. And I just dont know what to say. It just makes me feel..guiltier. And its like what? A riddle? Alamak..okay forget about it."

Argh.

can't get what you want

Ever thought of getting something so badly but you just can't get it?

The feeling SUX.

Don't understand

These thoughts actually flooded my mind while I was scrolling thru my handphone.

What's the use of having so many contacts in the handphone when none actually messages or calls you.

What's the use of having 100++ contacts on msn when none actually talks to you.

What's the use of having 80 over contacts on friendster when none will actually help you when you're in need.

What's the use of having so many friends when none are your true friend.

What's the use of living when life's nothing but a daily routine of wake up, eat, rest, go work, sleep, wake up, eat, rest, go work, sleep, ...

I really don't understand.

Making friends is like making a wish, you hope they'll be true but most of the time they are just a dream.

Inter-JC pagaent

Was doing some blog-hopping and found this particular interesting website here

It's some Inter Junior College pageant stuff for the year 2007-2008. 17 participating JC for 1 pageant. I personally think the most dashing and pretty faces are those from neighbourhood JCs like CJC, SRJC, TPJC respectively. No offence but the rest didn't catch my eyes at all. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholders so if any pair ever catches your eyes, remember to vote for them!

Anyway, I felt kinda uneasy today. The kinda "back-to-school" feeling keeps coming back but I'm no longer a student. Packing of bag, packing of pencil case, ironing of school uniform... ...

How I miss those days...

Hate butterflies

OH MY GOSH. I HATE BUTTERFLIES. I HATE IT. I HATE IT.

It just irks me whenever I see pictures of a butterfly. Not to say the real one. I'll just freak out if I see one. The shivers that run down my spine and the hair that stands on end. Those feelings are disgusting man. Yuck.

And New Year is not happy AT ALL. I'm down with flu. SOB SOB. And yes, I hate new years. It means you're one year closer to your grave. And I like I said before I hate growing up. Growing up is a chore :P And I still believe it up till now.

今年什么成就都没有，就这样过去了。只能希望明年会更好。

P.S. I'm so into cars these days. I can't get enough of it. :p

brother

I don't understand my parents at all.

My stupid brother has been creating so much trouble even till now but he gets whatever shit he wants. He just got a new handphone yesterday mind you and he got it on the same day he requested for it. Fine, say I'm jealous but whatever, do they even have eyes? I tried to tell them that I needed a new pair of shoes cos mine's very slippery and the reply I got was "Wear until spoil then buy". Like what the hell?! Fine, I'll get it myself when my payday arrives.

This happened yesterday and today. First, that idiot took my phone yesterday night and started blasting music. Beside him was Japanese anime flashing on the TV screen at high volume and on the shelf was his handphone blasting at maximum volume.

He claimed he was wasting battery on his phone and that he used my phone to only listen to music which he wants which he'll transfer into his phone when it's charged. I almost shouted the four letter word right in his face!

I snatched my phone from him and started screaming. "Waste electricity. TV turned on but you look at your phone. And now you're wasting my bettery as well!" Did I do the wrong thing? I don't think so. Or maybe the snatching of phone part was abit overbored but I don't think I did anything wrong.

But my dad came in and scolded me. He said I was jealous at my brother's new phone. He said he didn't do anything wrong by sending music and listening to it through my phone. He said I was unreasonable.

At that point in time I almost slapped my brother and rushed out of the house. I really wanted to do that so badly. F**K.

Then he asked me if I could lend my phone to him just now. I said No to him when he asked me for 3 times cos my phone's battery is low and I have to go to work later so I won't have time to charge it. But that idiot took my phone without my permission when I was hanging out the clothes.

I almost boomed but I didn't want to embarrass him in front of his friends who are playing playstation in my house. I snatched my phone away from him and cancelled the songs he was sending. He screamed back at me and started making noise to his friends saying I was selfish and unfair and what not. Was I in the wrong at all??????

Argh. Now I'm locking myself in the room just to blog my unhappiness. If I don't I might just boom and explode at work later. All I want to say to my parents is "YOUR EYES TA-STAMP HUH?" and to my horrible brother "I JUST WISH YOU GROW UP. For now, F**K OFF AND STOP BOTHERING ME!!!"

Ok, mad post today but I really need to let it out!

Christmas.

I HATE CHRISTMAS!

No presents, no party, no christmas mood, nothing. I should have gone to work today and earned my 63 bucks rather than staying at home and get reprimanded over and over again for the whole day. She keeps saying she's a failure. Can't be a good daughter, a good mother, a good wife. Can't do this, can't do that. And then she moves on to complain that we can't give her rest for even a day. Hello?? Look who's talking here?? I was talking to my brother (or rather suan-ing him). But she got angry instead. Funny rights? It's none of her business anyway so why must she care so much?

Then went to Causeway Point. My goodness. I'm supposed to get new clothes for chinese new year BUT my brother bought it instead. This isn't the first time. We stepped into Royal Sporting House and the first thing she thinks of is getting a new jersey for my brother instead of a pair of shoes that I've been requesting for. DAMN IT. She'd rather get some stuff for an idiot who doesn't listen rather than me. Argh. This is driving me crazy.

I can't wait to get out of this house. I can't stand it anymore.

Christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

And I'm 18years and 2months old. Drats.

MIA

For those who still don't know, I've already started work. That explains why I've been MIA for so long. So if you want to contact me, please call my handphone. HAHA. I really don't know when I'll have time to come online again. :) TY!

Flu

Green mucus's coming out of my nose and throat. Yhewww.
Have been down with flu these few days. Sigh.

Anyway, I've been packing my table and cupboard since last week but there's still a big pile of stuff to pack!! I've already throw away like 3 BIG bags of unwanted stuff but there're still so much. It's such a chore lor. I've already packed my table once before the exams but everytime after a major exams, my table's back to the messy and untidy state. My butt's ache-ing cos I've been sitting there for close to 4 hours since morning and many hours since last week. I'm feeling so giddy.

Mother

My mum cried in front of me. In the market. It's really surprising that a person with so much courage and willpower actually have times when they breakdown and cry.

We were just chatting when she suddenly brought up my grandmother. My mother's mum had already passed away for about 4 months but whenever my mum talks about her, she'll try and hold back her tears but I know she misses her so so so much. And whenever I see her sad, I too had to control my tears. It's just so emotional. Apart from saying "Don't think about it. It's unavoidable." I seriuosly can't think of anything that I can help to make her feel better even though I really want to.

I finally understand why she keeps scolding us even for a nitty-gritty stuff. She doesn't want us to regret as she did. She wants us to be filial to our parents now when they are alive for she doesn't have a chance anymore.

She's still carrying a huge burden on her shoulders. The pain of seeing her closest loved one leaving her, someone who had brought her up to be who she is today, someone who showered her children with her love and care, someone who braved through World War 2 all by herself, is just so painful, so heart-piercing that it cannot be forgotten as easily as one says it.

I had so much going through my mind just now but I just can't write anymore. I have so much thoughts spinning in my head now. I should not let my mum worry. I have do think of my future. I have to think about my route after A levels. She hopes to see me working in an office, wearing long sleeve shirts with tie and leather boots but I have dreams that are completely opposite from that. Should I follow my dreams or should I go the boring way, to work in offices, what will the consequences, my future be like if I chose either routes? I seriously don't know. I just hope I'll straightened out my thoughts someday. I'm just so confused right now. God, please, please lead me and guide me.

"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone." - Harriet Beecher Stowe

May we live our lifes without any regrets.

After exams

ALRIGHT!

Enough of emo posts. EXAMS ARE OVER!
REJOICE!!

But hey, I seriously missed studying. I suddenly feel so empty in a world without studying. I wanna go out and play but my poly frens are still having lessons. JC frens got their own JC clique le. I haven't heard of any class outings yet for my class. I'M BORED STIFF!!!!

My brother's computer is just so great lor. Have to use web messenger cos he can't download the latest msn messenger. I can't even watch youtube on his computer cos he doesn't have a flashplayer. He can't download one too. =.= That's pathetic.

Worse thing, was chatting with sandra's frens ytday and I guess they got offended by some remarks I made. Sianz. I didn't know they take jokes so seriously. Phew. Guess I've got some apologies to do...

Went blog hopping and realise some blogs are down, and ting's recent posts sounded like she's got some deep hatred with people. Haiyo. Society is just filled with too much hypocrites and backstabbers. You dunno when your best fren is actually ur enemies. If we are grant the power to perform eugenics, guess these people are the first ones to die. Ahahaha.

I can't think of anything to blog now. Guess I'll continue again on the next blog post.

don't get it

Everyone seems to be celebrating,
shouting at the top of their voices
that they can get straight As.
.
.
.
But here I am,
.
.
.
alone
.
.
.
on a road
.
.
.
to nowhere.
.
.
.
Bless me.

自杀

突然好有自杀的念头，但自己又很怕痛。
应该吞安眠药，割脉，吞消毒药水，还是跳楼好。。。

JC

Sometimes I just wished I was in NYJC where my friends are. Perhaps, I'd have done better. Sec sch frens are still the ones who are encouraging you and spurring u on with their msgs. Of cos there are those who don't but most I know do. It's so unlike people in college (some, not all).

I don't get it sometimes. Why does my mum insist I go to a school which I didn't like. I should have been rebellious then. I should have gone to appeal into the school that I wanted to be in. Perhaps, I was too mummy's boy then. Maybe even till now.

Friends see me as useless. So what if I'm a boy. Boy very big deal meh? There are times where boys feel useless too. Where they need someone to care about too. Why must society have this mentality that boys can't cry. If they cry they're not boys. Please. The thinking is just so obselete. "You boy leh" everything also you boy leh you boy leh. Boys so what? Boys are human beings too. We have feelings too. Yes, it is true that boys tend to hide their emotions and thoughts. On the outsdie they may look ok but their hearts are crying inside them. When boys cry, it really means the matter had really come to an extent where they can't bottle their feelings up anymore. Do you girls understand that? NO.

I'm seriously sick and tired of this entire H1, H2 thing. It's time MOE revamp the system to cater better to the needs of our future generations. we really dont wanna see more students ended up in Buangkok Green.

Reply to Eileen: It doesn't make a difference now. Even if I get an A for this subject left, I doubt I can get into uni all because of that H1 paper.

"I don noe wat i wan to do nw .. I just wan to be alone .. To b in a corner where no 1 noe .. To hide somewhere where no one will notice my existence.. Let mi go unnoticed .." - Jasmine

success

It just isn't fair! It just isn't fair!

Why? Why must this happen to me? I swore I did every single qns in the tys ytday and even completed those I didn't complete today. But why must God do this to me? Why can't I perform on the spot. First qn down, second, third, foruth, fifth down down down. As I continued on I lose more and more of my confidence I've built up after completing the tys qns. I'm a total letdown. I've this extremely slow, useless, simple-minded, pea brain that doesn't do me any good but brings me disappointment after disappointment. I'm a total failure. F-A-I-L-U-R-E. Sorry dr, I can't do it. I won't do it. If MJ's standard were to drop, I should be responsible for it.


Besides, hardwork doesn't equate to success anymore. And nobody would ever bother even if I cried out loud. Nobody ever cares.


I prepared for my CCDDs. Goodbye AABBs.

Econs

I know I shouldn't be blogging at this time but I've got to say what's on my mind. Econs was a big BOO BOO ytday. I couldn't sleep due to too much worrying. My head's so heavy. My eyes are dropping and bloodshot. Dratz. I didn't complete the paper. At least 20 marks gone. Everyone else completed the paper. Some teachers went around asking their pupils so loudly I was hoping they would say they couldn't finish the paper like me. But it turned out to be the opposite. Good for them, most were so confident that they could get an A for it. I felt as if I fell into a hole. i was screaming in my heart but on the outside I was calm, perhaps, NUMBED. I always believed that once there's a good start there'll be a good end. Not in my case. Perhaps all I can do now is to pray every night.

Grow tall

I WANNA GROW TALLER!!!

Poof. I just hate myself.

Anyway, I'm trying to read some GP articles online in preparation for the upcoming exam on wed. But ended up doing some warm-ups by blog-hopping and guess what? All the intelligent and infamous people have their birthdays fall on this month! And the even more surprising thing is most of them have their birthdays fall around the 20++ period! Ahahaha. *Grins*

Ok, Mr "Intelligent" needs to go mug now. Cya. Muahahahaha ~ Evil laughs

PS. Ew.. Why do I smell papaya in my shit? Must be that papaya fruit palate yesterday. Boo.

Crap

I'm totally disguisted by kenneth wong's dirty thoughts

"What happens if a couple carry out anal sex before oral sex?"

"hmm...A lollipop that taste like crap?"


Ew.



Happy b'dae papa!

18

"HAPPY"
18

Dear god,
My birthday wish is for you to send a saviour here to save me. I really really really need a miracle to clear the big As. It's appraoching. I really need motivation. Need a friend/friends to spur me on. need a teacher to guide me in Bio and econ, need a super brain to memorise that countless number of words in my lecture notes. I really really really need help now. Please grant my wish. I really don't know what to do.

Chem:Half done
Maths:Half done
Bio:Not touched
Econ:Not touched

"HAPPY" birthday to me.

disappointment

Disappointment's breeding
And I really don't know what to do....

Mugging session

8 hours of mugging session. Can you believe it?!?! My goodness. Yesterday was like the most productive day man. Have to live up to the promises I made to my teachers lor. Was practising maths in the morning then followed by econs-BOP (so hard man) then followed by organic chem. Was memorising organic chem like eating rice lah but only managed to finish up till halogeno compounds. Today must finish the rest man. Sorry yesterday I didnt do bio lah! I'm so guilty man! Today must chiong bio like eating rice as well.

Ok, here is the proof for ytday mugging session. Cya soon!

gross

GROOOSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Why must people be so sick and disguisting?!?! Was on the way to school and was totally horrified by this guy's actions man! First, he coughed and spit his saliva onto the floor in the MRT STATION. Then, he blew his nose into his hands and smear it onto the escalator handle. ewwwwwwwwwwwww. I was totally irked by him lah! Just wish I could give this piece of shit a BIG slap on his face.

YUCK..... I'm totally not in the mood for lunch now.


"自私为一切罪恶的根源"

ugly

THANKS.

I know I look ugly and stupid.
I don't need you to tell me.


"We are all interesting." - Lim Yu Beng

Saturation

GOD DAMN!

Nth just seem to go into my head for the last 3 hours. Darn. What was I doing. AH. And I still have 2 econs essays and a GP AQ to complete by TOMORROW! Fuck. Someone please save me at this instance. I can't take it anymore!!!!!!

Weather

It's so damn WARM and DRY these few days and makes me feel so lethargic everyday coupled with that yucky influenza virus that had conquered me.

That 2 bloody days of burning midnight oil was really NOT worth it especially when the return was not what I'm supposed to have. Good results. Nope. That flu virus. YES. I've been on antibiotics for a week and have not fully recovered. I feel like I'm such a weakling can? So frail, so fragile like a branch which is gonna snap anytime when there's a storm. Fuck. I really hate this feeling.

I must get well soon. I must conquer bio. I must conquer organic chem. I must conquer econs. Damn that econs. I just dun understand a single J2 work. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.

Where have my motivation gone?

"Life is a living hell" - eugene

Selflessness

Can't believe I actually told 2 primary school boys off. I just couldn't stand it. They were riding on the bicycles parked at the MRT station. The amazing thing was the whole bunch of parents actually didn't see what was happening at all. Perhaps they were too engrossed in their conversation or they simply don't give a damn.

How selfless Singaporeans are.

Darn. This is the 3rd time I'm sick in just 1 week.

"Singaporean's ingrained mentality: Kiasu, Kiasi, Kiabo"

FAILURE

Time's running out
I've never felt this way before
So useless
So hopeless
So...
I'm out of words
I'm a total FAILURE

User's signature in a computer game forum:
"Life is a very shitty Game... but its Graphics are AMAZING!"

I say: "Ya, right."

Quickie

Signs of enteritis: LS, fever, sore throat, bodyache, headache.

"The past is only a reminder of how the future can be better." - Gene Ho

DAYS TO MOCK PAPER: 16
DAYS TO A LEVELS: 31
I need motivation!

Teeeeerrible!

Heeeeelp!!! I still feel so teeeeeeeeeerrible today. I just can't stop running to the washroom. And didn't sleep well last night either. Argh how am I going to survive today?

Stomachache

Damn it, damn it, damn it! Felt so sick yesterday. The prelim results made it worse.

Then, at such wee hours, I had a stomchache which totally spoiled my beauty sleep. "Awwwwwww..." Maybe it's just not my day somehow. Or my lucky year either. Must be that zodiac readings from the fortune teller on TV during CNY. "Snakes will have a rather inauspicious year this year....." Superstition? Doubt so.

This year was not smooth sailing, at least up till now. I was faced with relentless obstacles along the way. It just doesn't seem to stop somehow. I just wish I haven't listen to that zodiac thing. Maybe things would have turned out better. Sometimes, things are better not to be known.

DAYS TO MOCK PAPER: 17
DAYS TO A LEVELS: 32
I need motivation!

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours." - Henry David Thoreau

P.S. This MAY be the last post before my A levels. For those who are dying to read my post, thank you so much. I will update periodically, whenever I have free time. But feel free to tag on my cbox. Will check it everyday. CHEERS!

Project alvl

Disclaimer: The characters and events depicted in this story are fictitious. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidential. You can choose to read on or Leave immediately.

PROJECT ALVL
EPISODE 1-THE CONTEST

06D30 used to be an extremely lively class. One fine day, their teacher was shocked when she entered the class. Where did that laughter, that energy go? The class was unusually quiet.

"Why are all of you so lethargic?"

"......."

"How am I going to continue with my lesson? Oh well, I'm in a good mood today. I shall tell you naughty kids a story instead"

"A STORY?!?! COOL! Let's start!"

"Er Herm....." Ms C cleared her throat (as usual).

"Here it goes...."

One day, a senior professor in University M (Uni M) recieved a letter from the prestigous University of ALVL. An invitation letter to join the grand contest that every university wishes to join and compete for the TOP 5 placing.

He decided to pass it around so that the researchers could have a look.

Soon, the entire university knew about the prestigous contest that was coming out. Anyone who got into TOP 5 would gain recognition by everyone around them and their university would gain the same recognition and would be able to recruit more scholars in the future. This opportunity was not to be missed.

Professor BYO found out of this project and couldn't wait to join. Luckily for him, he got selected.

"I shall bring honour to my university" he vowed with pride, in front of hundred pairs of eyes in the auditorium. Everyone applauded, proud that the university had chosen the right person.

For the next one year or so, he spend most of his time, even during the weekend to complete his project. His work involved 2 species of bacteria, Bacteria A (Bac A) and Bacteria U (Bac U). His aim was to cultivate a superb species of bacteria that could produce an antibiotic, an antibiotic that could cure all illnesses.

Bac A showed the best results so far. Bac U on the other hand produced very minute amount of antibiotic. BYO tried his best to induce them to become more productive but the improvements were just to small to be recognised.

During the preliminary round, Bac A scored an average of 50/80 in the 3 rounds in the last 3 weeks, allowing BYO to successfully enter into the next round of the competition. Bac U on the other hand was disappointing, scoring only an average of 35/80 for those 3 rounds.

There's just 1 more month to the finals and there is going to be a dry-run in 2 weeks time. At this crucial moment, BYO decided to store Bac U into that dark, cold and inaccessible cupboard in the lab 3 doors away. Bac U felt so lonely and hopeless.

"Why are we so useless?" Bac U asked. Its clones shook their head.

"He's actually helping Bac A? We are the ones who need his help here." One of its clones exclaimed while its daughter budded off from its backside.

"Well, It's so simple. If BYO wins the contest, he would be able to bring fame and recognition to the Uni M. Just in case you do not know, Uni M was established just a few years ago but it's rising fast. Uni M has defeated its counterparts, some established long ago! The senior professor really has his ways." Bac U exclaimed while undergoing binary fission itself.

"He's stretching their potential to the limits so that they can perform even better for the grand finals. But we must not give up on ourselves. We must show the professor that we, Bac U are comparable to Bac A. We don't have to rely on him." its clone responded.

Ya, right. As if everyone would listen. Many clones gave up on themselves. Needless to say, they died. The rest are trying hard, gritting their teeth everyday, forcing their Golgi Apparatus to produce the reasonable amount of antibiotic like their counterparts. Can they make it in time for PROJECT ALVL? Or would they crumble and die off? Nobody knows.

"The end" the teacher shrieked in excitement.

The entire class dozed off.

To be continued...

My results? Two words: "IT SUCKED"

And I couldn't get that song album. DRATS.

Darwin's theory:" Only the fittest will survive and reproduce"

矛盾

Ever wondered why some people are just blessed with good looks, nice voice, tall, dark, handsome, cute, pretty, stylish, etc etc etc and you don't. Then you go around admiring at people with these and qualities and then suddenly feel as though you're the worse looking, ugly, fat, short, shit looking person in the entire universe? You curse and you swear and you just feel so inferior. You can't sing, dance, study, be a model, singer, dancer, blah blah blah. And then you feel as though you shouldn't have been born into this world at all with this hideous look.

You dream of becoming a singer, an actor, a dancer, a model, a fireman, a police, a teacher, a sailor, an air-steward, a doctor, a nurse, an entrepreneur, a CEO, etc etc etc all at ONE time. But you are only one person and can only accomplish one thing at a time. There's always a choice to be made, and an opportunity cost being incurred after making that choice. The cycle goes on.

Well, guess that's reality.

The earth continues to go round, round, round, round......

P.S. He replied my email. Gosh. Feel so "over the moon" now~!!!


"Anticipation kills" - eugene

Personality test

OK. Once agian I was at natho's blog and was just reading through some post then Ah-huh I decided to try out the personality test AGAIN. It's weird sometimes how your personality changes over just a short period of a year or so. It's amazing what A DRASTIC CHANGE it is from a INFP to a ENTP. Wow. The descriptions were pretty accurate though but I'm pretty dubious about the last part. Is it really true that people see me as superficial and detached? Maybe it's time to change. CHANGE FOR A BETTER!! LOL! Take the test too and find out how you fare. Enjoy.

You Are An ENTP

The Visionary You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression.You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything.Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off.You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments. In love, you see everything as a grand adventure. You enjoy taking risks for love.And if things don't work out, you're usually not too much worse for the wear! You would make a great entrepreneur, marketing executive, or actor. At work, you need a lot of freedom to pursue your own path and vision. How you see yourself: Analytical, creative, and peaceful When other people don't get you, they see you as: Detached, wishy-washy, and superficial

What's" Your Personality Type?

And I'm super proud of this. =X

You Are 40% Control Freak

You have achieved the perfect balance of control and letting go. You tend to roll with whatever life brings, but you never get complacent.

Are You A Control Freak?

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

You Are Emerald Green

Deep and mysterious, it often seems like no one truly gets you.Inside, you are very emotional and moody - though you don't let it show.People usually have a strong reaction to you... profound love or deep hate.But you can even get those who hate you to come around. There's something naturally harmonious about you..

Accurate? Not accurate? See for yourself.


P.S. I WANT SHI XINHUI'S NEW ALBUM!


"Sometimes in life our emotions get clogged within us, overwhelming us like a flood sweeping through the village. But how do we react to it? Do we cry? Do we scream and shout? Do we remain emotionless, cold as a rock? It all depends on us. There's no right or wrong to it. Do not fear about how people might say about your reaction to it. It's your emotions. BE YOURSELF. Let it flow. There's nothing to be afraid of." -eugene

SNIFF

SNiFF SNiFF
I'm having sort-of like a headache but not headache thing. Just feel so tired and the world seems to be spinning around me. GOSH. Think I'm gonna peng-san soon.

Then went surfing the net and link here link there then suddenly (really SUDDENLY ok) I linked to Nathenial Ho's blog!! OK, maintain posture. I'm like so happy larz. Then went surfing thru his webpage and you know what, he's sick too. Looks like the influenza virus is spreading. Blame it on global warming. Ok, like whatever.

I think it's always cool to be oneself, to be original. I think beauty and charm doesn't just come from looks alone but rather from our inner self. I always believe if one looks so good on the outside but happens to be rotten inside then he's as good as being rotten lor. So I always admire those who are showing their real self to others (ppl like 小鬼 and Nat. Of course!) and those who actually try and act tao and big like you-know-who ought to get shot. Bang!

Well, just one random thought: If you ever, I mean ever want to criticise others, please tolong tolong look at yourself in the mirror first. Like in sec sch the pastor always say "Do what you want others to do to you" YEP. I think it applies here. I mean have you ever had the feeling that the person who criticise you are almost always those who are rotten themselves? People like my brother who loves saying that I'm a shorty and blah blah.. Pls he's 175cm and I'm 169cm (FINE. I'm short) but that doesn't mean there are no taller guys around him. I was really happy (and i mean really happy) that he met this guy who is 190+cm when he was playing basketball the other day. This guy was so darn tall he could tip-toe, send the ball into the net and stay hanging on the loop. From then on he stopped commenting about my height ANYMORE. Yippy. See, believe in Kharma! lol!

OK. It's a long post. Guess I'll just end here. My brain can't make it anymore. LOL. See ya next time. Till then...... BYE! Sniff sniff.

"It is not by accident that the happiest people are those who make a conscious effort to live useful lives. Their happiness, of course, is not a shallow exhilaration where life is one continuous intoxicating party. Rather, their happiness is a deep sense of inner peace that comes when they believe their lives have meaning and that they are making a difference for good in the world." - Ernest A. Fitzgerald

Abstracted from: http://natho.net/nblog ©

childHOOD

This is what happens when a person's life is empty. THINK and THINK and THINK of stuff that can make one go crazy.

1) Can I turn back time? How would it be like if I could change my past? Would I still be who I am? Can I change the events that I do not want it to happen? What would the consequences be when I Change them? Decided to ask a wise person and here was the reply:

"I also had the same thought whenever I stare at the clock. How I wish I could turn back time. But even if I can turn my clock backwards there're so many clocks in the world! We cannot possibly turn back every single clock. What we can do is to leave our past behind us and look forward. There's no point of looking back since we cannot change anything in the past."

2) How would I be in a few years time? Would I still be alive and well? How about those around us? Would I be damn rich or damn poor? What would happen tomorrow?

3) Is there really such thing as retribution? What form would it come in? Does it mean that if we help others a lot then we'll be able to so-call "revert" the retribution?

4) Human beings would mourn and cry for those who have passed away but have you ever wondered who would cry for those animals that pass away everyday? We are the King of the animal kingdom but it's a pity that we are only caring about our own species.

5) What is my childhood like?

Me:"Well, I've no childhood."
Jaz:"NO!! We have childhood. I still keep the photos of us having b'dae celebration at your house with may and ken. And the swimming lessons we had in primary school days with Jason." Me:"OK, fine."

We were at bugis doing some boring walk here and there then suddenly Shooting had this sudden urge of going to an archade. Initially wanted to go to the very noisy one at the basement but somehow she led the way and we ended up at the kiddy place in SEIYU. OK was quite dotz but there really was a sudden rush of childhood memories into my head. (SORRY no pictures to show cause of stupid blogger.)

While, I guess I do have some childhood. At least not from my secondary school days onwards. Life's just eat, sleep, shit, study.

P.S. I really think blogger should consider improving their picture insertion software. The bloody alignment keeps changing when a picture is inserted. BOO BOO to blogger! ANYONE HAS A BETTER SOFTWARE OR WHATEVER THAT CAN INSERT PICTURES PROPERLY?!?! THIS IS SO INFURIATING!!!!

"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm" -Sir Winston Churchill

小鬼

今天不用上学真好！已经好久没好好的休息了，决定放自己半天假好好的玩个痛快！

最近喜欢上的繁体字，觉得好酷好酷喔。则么每一丿每一纳都那么好看ㄚ！

刚刚上了小鬼的blog。好喜欢他的诚恳度还有他的画画和短文。每次读完后都有很多东西思考，还会有一种感动。他好有艺术细胞呢！＊羡慕＊ 所以就留言给他，希望能向他学学。好期待收到他的email。不知道会不会有这个机会ㄚ。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

好想拥有他的圖文集lor。看看下面有证据！小鬼，万岁！

考试时的我们是否像小鬼在“忙著趕預計在暑假問世的第一本圖文集”时的“炸裂的狀態”呢？

又或者。。。

还是。。。

“你變了! 沉重的一句話! 不要因為環境而改變了原本單純的你。一但變了! 就不再可愛不再值得人愛了!!!” -小鬼

Source: http://www.wretch.cc/blog/alien3647 ©

idiotic

Can't stand it! Am I that old? Can't I be a bit more fashionable? Can't wear t-shirt cos I'll look too young and must wear checkered shirt with collars buttoned all the way up? Nicholas is like 15 and whenever he wants t-shirts you'd happily get it for him. I want to buy just ONE t-shirt and the excuse given is that I'm too old for t-shirts. Oh PLEASE. It just doesn't make any sense to me. "You can buy what you want when you come out and work" Ya right. Might as well wait till I'm an ah-pek then wear fashionable t-shirts and try and look young. I really can't stand it. And I've deleted a number of posts. Don't want to remember all the unhappy stuff. Bleh. >.<


Farts - A funny movie is a click away


“靠山山倒，靠人人跑，靠自己最好”

爱情剧本

对不起哦！这一阵子忙着考试没时间上博客。现在正在偷懒！哈哈！最近迷上了8频道晚上的两部戏《宝贝父女宾》和《情有可缘》。尤其是《情有可缘》，好浪漫喔！好喜欢《情有可缘》里的片尾曲《爱情剧本》，辛伟廉的声音好好听！原来辛伟廉就是戏里的Herman，英文名叫William San。我真不敢相信！！好了！我得去温习了。希望大家能帮忙找这首歌曲。周末愉快！

《爱情剧本》

主唱：辛伟廉

如果说我们的相遇是个奇迹
而美丽爱情不是瞬间流星
我早已写好剧本等你参与配我演下去

如果最后我们平行前进
我还是会等你
一个我一个你两个人的世界太美丽

曾经以为不管多孤单
都只能一个人去走完
但这一刻有你我多安慰　

如果你愿我会用尽所有力气
去守护着你给的爱情城堡
一辈子让你听见我的心跳

“有些人一直在你身边你却没留意。当你开始留意时，已经太晚了”

不想长大

我好累，真的不想长大。这世界好复杂，好乱。不长大就不用面对这一切，不用面对喜怒哀乐，不用生活在这乱七八糟的世界。有时想想，我们现在的处境是否是人类自己造成的？看看战争，看看疾病，看看社会风气，看看这邋遢的世界。嗨。可悲。要是我们的放慢步伐，有宽容之心，世界可否会变得更好呢？

“ 我不想我不想不想长大
长大后世界就没有花
我不想我不想不想长大
我宁愿永远都笨又傻 ”

同年

刚刚走路回家时看见好多小学同学在玩校里的游乐场。突然好想回到从前，回到那无忧无虑的日子。 有时想想，难免也会后悔当初为什么不好好的玩个痛快。

回来时看见杂志里的一句话，让我幻想了好多好多。

“我有个画面，我坐在一张太阳椅子上，有杯冷饮，好开心，然后有一架飞机降落，我的朋友从飞机上下来，和我一起玩。” -陈冠希

写得很有意思吧？我们只能盼望未来的莫一天能过着这种日子吧!

P.S. 现在突然发现原来我的好朋友都和我一样喜欢华文。谁敢说华文难学，华文没用呢？我看那人应该是懒得学吧？没有华文等于没有了根。自己想想吧！