A poem to myself

Just as I was emo-ing and feeling all alone, this clip gave me a small glimpse of hope. It felt so close to my heart. I was feeling exactly like the guy in the video.

The alarm rings, and your ear hurts.
With your mind spinning, you're going to work.
The world brushes past you without you knowing,
Time ticks by before you knowing.

It's a new week ahead,
As the vicious cycle heads,
Some things go wrong,
But some gives you motivation to go on.

When that motivation disappears,
Opportunities pass and never appears.
The world moves on,
You're forced to move on.

You can't find comfort in anything,
Or anyone.
You are your only source of solutions,
Believing in your own notions.

But God is always fair,
Just like he is unfair.
No one has to be there,
To see how you have fared.

When shit happens,
you ain't sure why.
Misunderstanding arises,
you don't know why.

To be angry for what you do,
I shall,
To be angry with you,
I shall not.

If the time comes, I'd still do it,
For inside of me, I know it's right to do it.
For if you are right, I will fight for you,
If you are wrong, I'd fight with you.

Treasure friendships instead of rift it.
Treasure life instead of break it.
Misunderstandings are cleared when you understand it.
Miracles happen when you believe it.

To salvage this friendship,
I will try,
To lose that friendship,
I will cry.

72mins 31sec 22milli-sec

- Random thoughts - they just don't stop coming.

~~~


"Know me for what I do and for not what I am.
Judge me for what I can do and not for what I have done." -PRAVS J

You are the pillar that I've been drawing strength from.
You are the foundation of my stable structure.
You are the one who has always been reaching out to the passive me.

Just want to say, thanks for everything,
From the bottom of my heart.

Colours

I've realised that my "favourite" colour has been changing. Some colours I like can last for a day, sometimes a month, sometimes even a year!

See how my favourite colours have changed.

Cheerful Yellow -> Sophisticated Purple -> Innocent White -> Intense Red -> Masculine Green -> Loyal Blue

Cool huh?

What's your favourite colour now?

BOOM

I'm feeling damn f**ked up now. The world seem to be opposing with me.

First, I applied 5 days leave with sth on my mind. And then suddenly, the guy called the day b4 to cancel it. Fine. I thought I'd use these 5 days to do sth meaningful.

And for the first day, I made my way to Chinatown to get some budget household items and then celebrated KC's last day b4 his enlistment. Yipee, I thought, task fulfilled.

My mum made a big exclamation about wanting to bring my bro and I to make passport. Yea. I thought. At least my 2nd day's meaningful. Who knows?! It only took less then 15mins. And to add on to that, my bro freaking came late. By 1 hour! And the ICA building closed. So, ended up rotting at home again.

3rd day, thought today would be better but end up, rotting again. J asked me out to COMEX. We met up, went to meet K and then left for Suntec. J and K suggested me and my grand make our way to the escalator and wait for them while they head to look for S. Time crawled while waiting. Finally a call came to tell me they were waiting for S to look through the brochures. Fine, I shouldn't get angry. So, I brought my grand to walk around. After our rounds, they're still not done. Hmmm... No phone call.

Picks up phone and dials J's no.

(too...too...too.................................) no answer.

I got to go, I told myself. This is getting meaningless. I smsed J.

"Hey, I bring my grand home. You guys go ahead."

BUZZ BUZZ "U not joining us?"

"I thought you going club?"

............................

"Where are you all now? I bring her to the MRT then go back join u all. U nt going club right?"

............................

............................

............................

"Urgh. Nvm. U guys go ahead"

(Disturbed, Switch off phone, make way home.)

(Reached home.) BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Had a huge fight with parents.

-END OF STORY-
______________________________________________________________
Thanks for the wasted leave, Z. I'll nv go n work 4 u agn. RMB.

human nature

And when those trials come, my human nature shouts the things to do, and God's soft prompting, can be easily ignored...

Friendship? Think about that.

I'm jealous. At the same time angry with myself. I suck at human relations. My heart get swayed so easily. While some others are having fun joining their classmates/camp mates/ etc, I'm here spending time alone, pondering over many failed relationships, hoping to find answers, but failed. Terribly.

But one thing is for sure, at least I know friends like KC and KY are still there, waiting for me to open up, reach out, befriend with them once again after losing contact for some time. I know people start questioning me and pointing fingers at me saying that I never do enough to reach out to them, speak up, etc and I expected that coming. It hurts raking up my past. I try my best to move on. And so far, I'm only prepared to take baby steps.

However, it was KC/KY who pulled me out of where I was from and gave me directions towards friendship and life. Life is a very shitty game but its graphics are amazing. Indeed, we paint our lives with colours we want but we need a second pair of eyes at times to judge our masterpiece, and teaching us how we should improve from there. For that, I thank them for playing that role, guiding me all these while, never giving up, never forgetting me, never forgetting my presence.

I am an introvert since young and I love to stay at home. The way I am brought up, the circumstances I was put into shaped me into the character I have today. I dislike that character but its really hard (trust me) to really try and change asap. There have been setbacks, there are times when I try too hard but end up with nothing and there are times when I wished I am invisible. But I know now that at least these 2 people know me well enough to help me change, at least a little. They try to pull me out for gatherings whenever they can, whether it's for a simple swimming session for 2 hrs to simple lunch/dinner or even an hour on the chat line.

Isn't that how friends should be? We complement for each other's weaknesses, we give each other support from the heart, we help each other improve, we analyse each other's problems, find possible solutions, we cry, laugh, go through shit, share experiences with each other, not a lot but at least a little to hold the conversation and understand each other better, rather than get all busy with work, with other social gatherings, immensing ourselves in self-improvement and studies and neglect the closest people beside you.

Food for thought, perhaps?