Flag Day

Flag today was quite enriching, especially the fact that I got to witness a few incidents that really touched my heart.

I remember vividly having to stand near the bus stop with so many people buzzing past me, and little hope in mind for a generous donations but up came a wheelchair bound uncle who screamed at his maid, signalled to her to stop pushing his wheelchair (the maid was trying to avoid us) and took out $2 and got the maid to donate it to us. Same went for this elderly wheelchair bound lady.

But the most touching incident I encountered was this dirty rag and bone lady who was collecting cans in the bins. I approached her nonetheless without realising that. She conversed with me in Hokkein and asked if it was for charity. She was delighted when she knew she got to insert a coin into the opening of the aluminium cans. She forked out 10 cents from her pocket. Little the amount may seem, but when I knew it was her hard-earned money through can-collection, my heart totally sank. I felt sorry, compassionate for her, and yet felt she was a heroine in her own ways. That 10 cents could probably be her saving up for a meal!

That was not all. Her neighbour (I suppose) actually saw her donate and mocked at her in Hokkein, saying that she herself had no money yet she donated money and what an irony it was. The amazing thing was that old lady remained very calm and composed. She smiled, kept quiet and just walked away slowly.

I was really really touched by this scene. No words I can use, can describe the kinda feeling I was going through. Just through a flag exercise along, you get to see and experience for yourself the warmth as well as the disappointment our fellow Singaporean counterparts are. I'm not trying to be critical but those in office wear, men and ladies alike, are one of the most stingy and arrogant people who refuse to donate, let alone care about the donor.

Anyway, the entire Flag day was enriching and I never regretted waking up early for it.

Applause

An applause is just a facade by the audience to show their appreciation and nothing more than that. It is something which I've just come to realise.

What's a good teacher?

"Look, the best teachers don't give you the answers. They just point the way and let you make your own choices, your own mistakes. That way, you get all the glory. And, you deserve it." - Mr Sue, Glee Ep. 12

Thanks YQ. It's really heartfelt when I get to experience it myself. :)

抛物线

蔡健雅


我确实说我这样说我不在乎结果
我对你说我有把握成功例子好多
人们虚假又造作总爱得不温不火
我们用真心就不会有差错
我没想过我会难过你竟然离开我

爱沿着拋物线离幸福总降落得差一点
流着血心跳却不曾被心痛削减真真切切
青春的拋物线把未来始于相遇的地点
至高后才了解世上月圆月缺只是错觉

我好想说我只想说我不要这后果
可是你说相对来说走开是种解脱
当初亲密的动作变成当下的闪躲
感情的过程出了什么差错
我没想过我会难过你终于离开我

爱沿着拋物线离幸福总降落得差一点
流着血心跳却不曾被心痛削减真真切切
青春的拋物线把未来始于相遇的地点
至高后才了解世上月圆月缺只是错觉

爱沿着拋物线离幸福总降落得差一点
流着血心跳却不曾被心痛削减真真切切
青春的拋物线把未来始于相遇的地点
至高后才了解世上月圆月缺只是错觉
至高后才了解世上月圆月缺只是错觉
只是错觉

非常喜欢这首歌的歌词，尤其是放黑的那两行．

谢谢ＹＱ的魔鬼训练．

2010金曲金曲

All my favourite songs compiled by one superb singer. ENJOY!



「失落沙洲／徐佳瑩」、「拋物線／蔡健雅」、「外面的世界／莫文蔚」、「太陽／陳綺貞」、「掉了／阿密特」

SCAMP!

Hello World,

I'm back and totally shagged ttm. Hahaha. For those wondering where I was for the past few days, I was at NUS! Hahaha. Yea, attended SCAMP from 21-25 June and had a hell good time there. Met wonderful people, played wonderful games, screamed funny cheers, drank yummy alcohol and danced till the cows went home. Yipee~ I really really really enjoyed this camp. I wished it has never ended. Hahaha!

I really liked the conscientious way the organisers planned the activities. It was so good, even better than those planned by teachers. The timings were just nice and the activities - bagus! I cannot emphasize how much effort they have put in to organise this seemingly easy 5 days event.

Of all the activities, I loved Day 4 the most. Hahaha. We had Sentosa games followed by clubbing. Yea, it sounds really crazy but I think it was a once-in-a-lifetime-never-to-be-missed activity. It was my first time clubbing and I'm like kinda addicted to it already... But of cos, gotta control cos my pocket went bust just after that day and my ears almost went deaf. LOL. Of cos, I loved Sentosa. The sun, the beach and the wonderful (but painful) tan I got even after applying sunblock (SPF 108) twice. My sun-kissed skin is so nice, golden-brown now, I'm lovin' it!

And so, with much sweat and tears, we ended the 5 days camp with a blast (by playing polar bear?!?!)!!! LMAO.

And coincidentally, I had a wonderful group of peeps who organised a fabulous trip to M'sia on 26th June, making my entire week packed ttm but happy and crazy at the same time. Thank you, people!!! I'm really shagged but on the inside, I feel so loved by all of you!

Oh yes, before I forget, THANK YOU MY BELOVED JIE MOOI for heading down and scavenging for me on the first day. HAHAHA. I had a good laugh at lao niang, like seriously!!!

Thanks to everyone who made this camp fun and happening in one way or another. It's definitely etched onto a section of my mind like forever. The memories make the camp feel like it just happened yesterday and I'm definitely missing SCAMP already! :(

Love ya, guys! And I hope to see you guys soon!

Kunai, FTW!

害怕

家中又吵得鸡犬不宁。因为害怕再次受到打击，所以选择什么都不管，什么都不理。

又有回到中学时的感觉，好想每天躲在外头，找人陪伴，也不愿回家。

希望这场雨赶快过去，日子安宁点。

ELATED

YES! YES! YES! YQ sms-ed me! YQ sms-ed me! FINALLY!
WOOHOOOOOOOO~! I'M SO SO SO HAPPY!!! :D:D:D

Chocolate Age Finder

Mine's so accurate! How bout yours?

五月天 未來音樂故事

Expression Expressed

"I wish that we could be friends again. I miss your presence and our countless-hour talks that have been replaced with countless hours of awkward silence." -arianesantos

Tears & fears

刚刚在德士里听见958播出的“勇气”，真的勾起了好多回忆。有好多想说，想表达的话就因为这首歌，涌上了心头。

我活在这世上已经快二十一年了，也走过了好多风风雨雨，三分之一的生命就这样飘过了。

我做过了什么？我错过了什么？我想，只有自己知道吧。

最令我遗憾的也许只有一样吧 - 那就是友情。

想不相信真得有你们，但我长这么大，真正可以称为“好朋友”的，也许连一只手也数得完。外表看起来疯疯癫癫，嘻嘻哈哈，乐观开朗的我，原来也会遇到如此可悲的事情。就连一些原本能成为好朋友的人，都可能因为我的一些不正常的行为举止，或其他莫名其妙的缘故，突然跟我疏远了。

之前经历过第一次时，我只有自己猜想，或许是因为我的为人或品格太臭了，所以才会在较有时遇上了阻碍。我当时用了好一段时间才说服了自己，跌倒了要站起来。加上当时，大病在身，所以用了更长的时间，从中走了出来。

最近，也阴擦阳搓地遇上了一位非常谈得来的朋友。在和他交谈时，我感到很舒服，好像一位多年不见的朋友，能滔滔不绝地谈个不停。我因为上一次的经历，所以在交友方面有了防备，好不容易才决定让自己式着与他深交朋友，也告诉自己，这一次一定要用一个比较随行，为人讨好的一个态度，去对待这段友谊。一切都很顺利，直到一个月后吧，我或许是感情弄事，或希望能过找人诉苦，或是希望能够和好朋友一样，有所不谈，切磋或吸取意见，发简讯的次数也不知不觉地上升了。原本会回应的他，突然就不理不睬了，见面时也很难像刚认识是那样谈得来。我竭尽所能，希望使者找出原因，但还是失败了，得到的也只有沉默和空虚。

但我是一个非常珍惜，也害怕失去友谊的一人，所以也希望多做一些事情来弥补我可能犯过的过错，但也应为经历有限，所以无能为力。

唯一能做得也只是，在背后继续默默的支持他们，希望他们过得好，也为自己下定决心，以行动来证明，我真得很需要你们的。听到“勇气”是好希望有机会鼓起勇气，在电台或电视等，说出我的这番真心话，但我也不是什么大明星，所以也可能永远没这个机会。当然，我不能因此而放弃，就像我不能放弃你们和我之间的缘分一样，说一决定，在我入房睡觉前，能把想说的话记录下来，希望有机会时，能够把他表示和表达出来。

To V and YQ, if you ever see this, read this, heard of this somehow, someday, I really really hope to say a BIG SORRY to you guys that if, due to some clashes in views, misunderstandings or actions, I really hope to be friends, close friends with you guys again. I really have no other intentions or intentions in the first place to cause so much distress. I beg for your forgiveness. Give me some time to prove to you, to show you guys, who I really am, and not continue to let you guys to have any wrong impressions of me. I'm a human being too, I have emotions, and I do and still need your care and attention too. I will learn to be more understanding, more sensitive when dealing with issues, and make that a promise to you guys, because you guys are important to me, in each and every way. I'm really regretful for what had happened, and will do anything to amend for any mistakes, just to get our friendship back on track. Once again, I'm very, very sorry and remorseful. I don't mean to be an asshole, or a stalker but these are really words that I want to express.

Everything that I mean to say and explain, really, is

如果我的坚强任性 会不小心伤害了你
你能不能温柔提醒 我虽然心太急 更害怕错过你

what the lyric is all about. I'm still thinking of you people, to be in my life again, to be friends again, if you can give me that chance. That is my pact to you guys.

God, please, hear me, hear my prayers, and let that day come soon. Amen.

Yours sincerely,
Eugene

why I think Hierarchy suck

Two years - All it takes

Two years ago,

at this very time,

I entered the greens,

I lost myself,

I lost friendship,

I lost love.


Two years later,

at this very time,

I'm out of the greens,

I still can't find myself,

I still can't find new friendship,

I'm still love-lost.


Two years from now,

at this very time,

I'm out of the greens,

Can I find myself?

Can I find new, lasting friendship?

Will I be with my true love?


No one has that answer, not myself either.

"谁自顾自地走 谁忘了看着我 谁让爱变沉重 谁忘了要给你温柔" - 孫燕姿 我懷念的

awakened

My words to you

If I were blue, would you be there for me,
And whisper in my ears that's ok.
Would you stand by me, let me hold you tight,
And say you love me one more time.

Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,
to take my breath away? - Redwan Ali

wished you heard them.

Little miss er-herm

And so, Little Miss Act Cute went missing at a party - again. As usual, another lie was fabricated to cover up for her absence, by herself, as always to make herself seem sorry - again.

Dear People, wake up your ideas! You'll see through it soon. No one cries wolf for 3 times and expect others to buy it. Na na na pu pu~

痛

有些事情不要看得太清楚，其实是一件好事。
看得太清楚反而加倍心痛。。。

就让我沉迷在爱你的世界里吧，这样对彼此都好。。。

"Someone once told me, that you have to choose, what you win or lose, you can't have everything..." - Leona Lewis (Happy)

weird

it's weird how we can forgive our frens more easily most of the time than our family memebers.

it's weird how our frens understand us more than our family members.

and it's weird how friendship can be so fragile - one accidental spourt of nonsense and that's the end of it.

it's weird...................... and getting weirder as i ponder upon it.........

IRRATIONAL POST

Due to my immense boredom and mood that fell totally into the deep embassy, I went to do some web surfing and to my freaking horror, chanced upon someone else's webpage and found similar contents being "cut and paste" from my webpage and some friend's webpage.

And that someone actually went through Project Work in JC! F*ck.

I hate that. It totally irks me to know of someone who loves to copy and take whatever is on other's webpages and use it as her own stuff, only to change the actual name into an "Act cute" name to show how "cute" and "adorable" she is. It's a stupid not innocent act.

STOP PLAGIARIZING FOR GOODNESS SAKE. You're a grown up! Come 'on, have ur own set of thinking and stop acting innocent. We don't buy that.

For those who care

blinksoflife
I feel so much better now. :)

心有余而力不足

I don't know what's gotten into me but I'm back being all emo. Perhaps, it's bcos of the financial situation I'm in now. Perhaps, it's bcos I've got nothing better to do and my brain's rotting. Perhaps, it's bcos I told myself never to dream again becos fulfilling dreams are like investments, the more you invest in, the closer you get. But what if you don't have the means? Dreams will be just dreams.

Instead of being upset over having a dream, why not just give it up and conform to life? How bad can being like any other child in the street be? Eat, study, sleep, get a job, get married, retire and then wait for your time to come. Not having dreams would mean not having something that needs to be done and if you don't have to achieve it, it also means you'll leave this earth with regrets when time comes. Isn't that wonderful?

This is my 3rd post of the day. I vow I never intended to be so long-winded but I need to ventilate. I'm alone, had been alone and will be alone. It feels like imprisonment with only the four walls facing you everyday from dawn to dusk, with no humane apparition in sight. Even when there is someone at home, nobody talks, and it just makes me feel even more empty.

Somehow while I'm typing this, these lyrics kept rewinding like time - incessant, relentless, never-ending,

有时候有时候 我会相信一切有尽头
相聚离开都有时候 没有什么会永垂不朽

but unfortunately, it got interrupted for awhile and became

There she goes, there she goes again, nagging, scolding me, and I just can't contain, this feeling that remains...

*有时不是我不明白，我以為倒著流眼淚，不經過臉不傷悲。现在想起来，真想 COL - CRY OUT LOUD，痛苦一场* T.T

心有余而力不足。遗憾，真是遗憾。。。

Bleed

Today is any "down" day. Why? I almost had a stitch on my right hand, had the cut been deeper. I shall let the pictures do the thousand words explanation.

There was no blood at first, just a dent mark. I gave it a rub and went on to do my work. Then, this happened:



The blood didn't stop oozing out even after I've applied pressure on the wound.


I was sent into a state of panic while I tried searching high and low for a piece of plaster or anything that I can get to cover up the wound until I see a doctor.

I rushed myself to the polyclinic since no one in the family actually cares whether I'm alive or dead, especially so after the quarrel. The nurse at the polyclinic got a shock when she saw my wound so she wrote a note to the counter staff to let me see the doctor first.

I had to wait for an hour since it was 1 pm and the doctors are all out for lunch. Fortunately, when I finally saw the doctor, he examined the cut and said that the bleeding stopped and that I was lucky because if the cut were a little deeper, he'd need to do a stitch on it but it also means that for the next few days, I'd have to clean the wound thoroughly and apply antibiotic cream everyday until it completely heals.


Somehow, I can feel this dark aura coming at me, signaling the start of something sinister this new year. As I was reading "The hounds of the Baskervilles" by Sir Authur Conan Doyle, this phrase seems to stick to my mind like glue and is repaeting itself like a spoilt radio when my skull is free of thoughts.

"I am concious of myself of a weight at my heart and a feeling of impending danger - ever present danger, which is more terrible because I am unable to define it." - Dr Watson

Perhaps, I'm just thinking too much.

吵架

原来和家人吵架后，得利的并不是自己，而是别人。相反的，自己得到的却是心如刀割，和忘不了的难受。T.T

HINT HINT NOT FUNNY

You trying to hint something...? What a joke. It's dumb to use such methods for confessions.

I know I promised not to visit that webpage again but I was too curious to wanna find out what exactly happened that led to that sudden outburst of messages... My bad!

childhood rememberance

Because everyone deserves to smile :)

Bad Day

Yesterday was a day of roller coaster ride. And this morning started equally bad either.

I met with a small accident yesterday morning. Fortunately, nobody was hurt. The vehicle I'm in actually knocked into the vehicle beside us. For us, the side mirror kinda bended, but for the other guy, his poor car got scratched. DAMMIT. We're still feeling f**king guilty about it. Had to settle the things that need to be settled, see the face that needed to be seen and hear the words that we had to swallow. DAMMIT.

And if you kinda know my character, the only way I can think of to ventilate my bad mood is to spend. And guess what, I spent $170 on a new pair of specs =.= I WANT MY MONEY BACK. F**K. And because of my bad insomnia for the past (2?) weeks, I got so fed up, I went to buy 2 f**king pillows, one at $39 each. DAMN.

Also, I kinda knew that there was an ORD function yesterday but no one actually informed me of the time and venue. Finally at 3, Ian gave me a call, asking me if I could attend. OF COURSE I COULD, but WHERE and WHEN? Turf City, 6pm. CRAP, HOW DO I GET THERE? I'VE NEVER BEEN THERE BEFORE. And I was left with so little time to prepare. I rushed home, changed and ran out. I was already walking halfway to the train station when I realised I DIDN'T BRING CASH! I had to give my dad a call and see what can be done. Waited for him at the train station and by the time he came, it was already 5.30pm!

I kinda got fed up and took a cab down. OMFG. Throughout the entire taxi journey to Turf City, the taxi driver criticised everything about Singapore, from Singaporeans to the taxes to whatever, I wanted peace and I wasn't listening already! But he went on and on incessantly like bullets coming out from a machine gun.

I was already freaking pissed but he added oil to the flames that were building inside me. HE AT LEAST HAD ONE FILTHY HOKKEIN VOCABULARY IN EVERY FARKING SENTENCE HE SPOKE. The worse part was, I was caught in a jam from PIE all the way to Bukit Timah, even up till the outside of Turf City, there was a bloody big jam. I was wondering to myself what the ERPs were erected for since it didn't quite serve its purpose of regulating traffic. But anyway, that's not the main point. When the car in front crawled and stopped, KNNCCB came out of his mouth. When a car tried to overtake him, LJ came out. =.= WTF. I swear I wanted to strangle him, get out of the car and run my way to Turf City.

But nonetheless, the celebration was great! I just loved the seafood!!! Life once!! The prawns were damn SWEET, the Lala was GREAT and the crab was AWESOME. That sort of lifted my mood a little. And the best part that pulled me out of my bad mood was the picture taken with my Saviour! The best part was how they drank till everyone got kinda HIGH and drunk. Well, at least, almost drunk, except for a few. I hope they're okay now :S.

All in all, yesterday ended well until this morning. Because of the endless trash at home that needs to be cleared for CNY, my mother boomed at us. AGAIN. She meant well but I thought it was just so unpleasant to start a day with all those scoldings. Urgh. But lucky enough, somethings actually cheered me up so much, I'm in tears now. No, not sad tears lah~ Happy ones. :) I thought I'd just share this clip with my fans (you) and here's wishing you a memorable and joyful day ahead!

rejections, rejections, rejections

It's been about 2 weeks since I last updated but I doubt anyone would be interested to read this mundane blog anyway.

Right, I have no idea what I've been doing for the past few days, and why I am feeling so light-headed and groggy since I woke up this morning. Holy Crap. And I HATE INSOMNIA, SONOFABITCH. I just can't fall asleep at night and these stupid thoughts just keep reverberating in my mind like a relentless waterfall. It goes from songs to self-talking to anticipatory anxiety. OMFG.

And I seriously need something to regulate my heartbeat. I keep having this feeling that my heart is pumping so fast, it will jump out of my mouth any moment. -.-

Okay, enough of random rantings.

There are a few things that happened this week that set my mind thinking again. I swear this might be one of the longest and driest post you'll read (if there's even anyone who happens to pop by at least to see how this defamed celebrity has been doing :S)

For one, I personally believe that the more confident one is, the more anxious one will get to achieve some things that they want, and in turn, make more mistakes than they should have made. I experienced this not once, but twice in a matter of 3 days.

I don't seem to be able to control this emotion of mine and it has brought me failures after failures in the last 20 years of my life. If I want something, I'll try ways and means to get it as fast as I can. My mind will stop processing the possible repercussions that might occur due to that fleet of thoughts resulting in me making rash decisions and wrong moves.

Man, I really gotta change this attitude of mine. It's really unhealthy and has made me lost some of the things that I should have had before.

Also, I realised that saying "No" to someone or something might not be that bad after all as long as you stand firm to your point of view.

But then again, because of the continuous rejections, you lost precious things in return. One very good example might be that of the expansion of social circle or the lost of a job which might have brought you higher salary with less stress than your present job.

I'm sure everyone have heard of the story of 'The Boy who Cried Wolf'. The morale of the story is to teach our future generations on the consequences of telling lies. However, I do see some other morales being taught in the story as well. I shall share one of the more promiscuous viewpoint I have with regards to the story.

I personally have seen this morale play in front of me for numerous times in my life. I don't have many friends (close friends at least) and that could be attributed to what I've mentioned earlier.

Thinking back, I must be totally out of my mind then. Now that I'm much older, and finally realised how important it is to form a good social circle, everything seems so damn late.

You tend to be more careful when making friends now, especially in working society, where you don't know who your true friend or foe may be. Hence, the friends made now might be just fair-weather friends.

Second, with that small circle of close friends you have, some tend to drift away from you more as you grow older, due to changes in mindset, due to changes in social status or even due to a change in their perspectives of you. Hence, your circle of friends diminishes again.

And the crux of you losing the chance of maintaining friendship comes when you reject their constant offers to ask you out for mini gatherings. I remember when I was still schooling, many people have tried to ask me out for gatherings, movies, etc but I kept using the same few reasons to reject them like "I've something urgent to see to", "Studying is more important. I don't have time for this.", etc. Silly it may seem but I swear I did that.

So, now with the advancement of technology, we have this really cool application on the Internet called the FACEBOOK, where one can upload and tag photographs anytime, anywhere. Of cos, I'm not trying to promote how good facebook is. I'm just trying to say that with this technology, one can easily have access to their friends' pages to find out what they are doing. And then DAMMIT, this is when you realised the same group of people you used to hang out with have been going out without you!

You don't see your face in any of their photographs (And damn, no, you're not the photographer) AND you don't recieve RSVPs from the organiser AND the most strong sense of envy, guilt and regret comes when you realised you can't get back into the group anymore. You don't have any idea what they are talking, you find it awkward to even ask them out again =.=

You seem to have landed on an alien planet because within this short span of 1-2 years (or even days) when you're not around, their friendship has been building and taking shape and you're no longer one of their building blocks. To them, you are just a visitor to the palace they've built. It's like the boy who cried wolf - you used to have everything, or least think you have everything but after lying (in my case, rejecting their offer) for 1, 2, 3 times, that's it, you are totally out of their minds.

Sad, huh? But then again, what can be done? All but to accept and move on, I guess. Any takers on that?

PUNCTUATIONS

It's funny how punctuations play such an important role in a sentence.

I was sms-ing ting just now telling her that I can't control spending. I have to spend everytime I go shopping just to make myself feel better.

Halfway thru the sms-chat, I recieved a "flared-up" message from her and was wondering to myself how come she got so fed up at me. I went back to read the sms i sent and it goes like:

"I buy things again."

"Zzz how much u spent? Control."

"30 cannot ah. need to chop my hand or dig out my eyeball then can"

"If you aint freaking guilty abt it den dont tell me how much u r spendin Bcos u know tt once u tell me i will stop u n make u save it."

Woah~ I got a shock of my life. Fortunately, I explained things up to her and tried and prevent any more misunderstandings.

My intended meaning was that "I spent 30 (dollars). Cannot lah. I need to chop off my hands or dig out my eyeballs then can (stop spending).

See how a few words and punctuations can change the entire meaning to a sentence? That's the flipside of using short messages, I guess.

Oh, and on a side note, there're actually a few lessons learnt from this incident.

1. Of cos is the importance of words and punctuations.

2. The benefits of SMS can never surpass the importance of face-to-face or at least phone conversations. SMS may be good for simple "hi and bye" messages but can never be used to express your actual thoughts and tone you intend to use to convey your message to the receipt.

3. Clear up misunderstandings fast.