爱和关怀

“懂得感恩才会幸福”

原来当你感受到大家所给予的爱和关怀时，无论是吃什么、喝什么，你都会觉得好甜好甜。。。

P.S. 我是幸福的！

CHRISTMAS DISASTER!

I attempted sth out of the norm and FAILED terribly. :(

As we all know, Christmas's coming! And in this season of joy and sharing, I thought I'd come out with something to surprise someone who's gonna take my present. I went to shop happily for some containers which I thought was really cute and "practical" for use.

But containers themselves look so plain, so, I thought I'd fill it up with some stuff. Sand... No, it'll spoil the container... Sweets... Looks cheapo esp when there's a price cap on the presents you're giving =.= (Money = sincerity? =.=)

Anyway, the best alternative I could think of was to bake cookies! Why? Sincerity is one thing, if it's tasty, it's another :) I don't have the money but my sweat and hard work should make up for it. So I got on to work. I spent so much on all the necessities, I blew a BIG hole in my pocket and got a terrible scolding by my parents but I told myself, this is something I've always wanted to do and no one's gonna stop me. This might be the last time I have the time to "make" gifts myself before hectic life kicks in. :(

I went around asking to see if someone could teach me but unfortunately, they're too busy. Got my brother to teach me but he ended up playing MAPLE. -.-'''

Nvm, I'd do it myself. Everything went well. I enjoyed the mixing of flour with butter and egg and chocolate chips...And I sent it into the oven.
Look! Aren't they appetizing just by looking at it??

Until these happened...................................






At least 10 attempts =.= but still failed....

End Product:


That's not the worse... Smoke was bellowing out of the oven like there's no tomorrow~! Try spotting the smoke.............................

Jesus Christ! I thought. I might as well try using the microwave instead. And ended up breaking 2 plates, causing electric sparks to fly around inside the microwave oven (due to the aluminum foil I used to wrap the plate - no one told me that i can't microwave metals!!!), and created a mess which i spent an hour to clean up :( Look...

*Spot the part of the plate that has "chipped off" and flew up the microwave (Hint: Top left cookie)
*And this plate broke into 2!! =.=
End Product:

Lesson Learnt: Don't be too AMBITIOUS! It's hard to be Mr Nice guy. Really. You might end up losing more than what others think while attempting to be Mr Nice. I therefore conclude from this cookie baking session that one has to balance between things. It's good to be cheapo sometimes to those who don't seem to appreciate the hard work you've put in. But on the other hand, I'll keep trying to bake better cookies to my beloved friends and family members, those who really mean so much to me.

DESPERATE

EUGENE IS VERY DESPERATE FOR:

1. AN MP3 WITH VOICE RECORDER

2. SENNHEISER EARPHONES

Interesting week

A few interesting things happened this week.

First, I met Mrs Lau SB at Queensway Shopping Centre during lunch. Together with her was her daughter. Anyway, they went there to shop for sport shoes for her daughter but my funny friend actually introduced Timberland BOOTS to her. ROFL.

One of our superior also had a Myocardial Infraction due to blockage of 3 of the 4 blood vessels in the heart and had to undergo an angioplasty. We paid a visit to him and apparently he was discharged for a few days before ending up in the hospital again due to some complications called hematoma. For him, blood was collected at the groin area which he described as "being kicked in the balls during a soccer game and touching it the next day". Anyway, lesson learnt: Stay healthy! And also CME which benefited us although they're more meant for the medics.

We had this PCC night cohesion at East Coast where everyone was forced to drink - Whiskey, Matel, beer, wine, u name it, the superiors have it. We were "ordered" to drink by our BIG heads so LLST, gotta bottoms up. I realised I get energetic instead of tired after a drink. Weird indeed. YZ got chased by a dog, Ian got drunk after the 2nd (plastic) cup and we had a good time laughing our asses off at someone. Even our own direct superior joined in.

Then, went crazy shopping with ting today for 6 hours, thereabout.

I'm totally dead beat. I need sleeeeeeeep!

只想说声对不起

原来，说声“对不起”，真的好难。。。

PATHETIC

All that I'm left is $2 in my bank account. That's how bad things are now.

不敢

“有时候，我们不敢为自己谋求职位、不敢学小提琴、不敢学习外语，甚至不敢打通电话给末位老朋友。这种种“不敢”，其实都只是我们为自己设下的障碍，而这种无中生有的障碍，常使我们囊步不前，错过了许多我们本来应该去做而能够做好的事。”|《世界最著名的黄金定律》

HOT!

OMFG!!! I've got to share this!



In awe~~~~~~~~~~~~ WOW!!!

BRAVO to HTC! Rock on!!!

Happy Birthday to myself :)

A special thanks to all the birthday wishes i received, whether it was via msn, facebook or msn, thanks so much!! At least I know I'm not forgotten :D

Anyway, it's weird somehow, haha, cos this year I dare to say I received 100-200% more of birthday wishes than in previous years (thanks to technology). It's not exactly a lot compared to other friends but to me, that spike was something to rejoice about!!

Birthday was fun. Didn't throw any lavish parties which I intended to and was emo-ing, thinking that it's gonna be a super quiet birthday this year - again.

I was taking a lazy afternoon nap the whole time when suddenly I heard music coming from my doorstep. It was a really pleasant surprise because my 3rd uncle brought his sons over who played "Happy Birthday" song at my doorstep using their musical instruments (they are music talents, ok?). The sons gave me a birthday present too!

Then, my uncle left his sons here and left out to get a car to drive us to my grandma's house and came back with a cake! OMGOSH. 感动。

I changed into the set of new clothes I bought for myself and then left with my family and uncle to my grandma's house. I received red packets from my grandma, aunt and 2nd uncle. Then, my dad went to buy another chocolate cake for me!! 2 cakes for me, one green tea and one chocolate! Haha! And 2 large candles each, making me a good 40 years old. Heez. But I insisted the 2nd cake for my dad since his birthday is just 2 days away from mine.

We played finger games, XBox, used the computer, took lotsa of photos, etc, leaving me very happy and deadbeat at the end of the day. Haha.

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING, PEOPLE!

Rejoice~! I'm 20! (And 1/3 into my grave...? Hm...)

I GOT MY FREAKING PHONE WORKING AT LAST!

I can't imagine life without technology. Jus a few freaking days without my phone seems like eons to me. Damn it.

If anyone's getting enlisted and needs to get a non-camera phone, don't go to People's Park there and get because "it's cheaper there". When your phone spoils, u can't bring it to a Nokia or Sony Ericson or any service centres to get it repaired because "it's for exports only". God damn.

And because of that, I have to go around looking for a second hand non-camera phone just to get me through the next few months. I'm currently using a LG phone instead and I'm having a terrible time because the sensitivity SUCK. Using my previous Nokia phone was a breeze - whatever I type it'll show almost immediately on the screen but for this phone, it registers one alphabet by one alphabet at any one time. When I've finished typing the entire msg, only half the msg is shown and the letters at the back are appearing one by one.

But what to do, just make do lor. Got phone better then no phone to use. Blah.

Happy 20th!

Jas! Happy Birthday!
__________________________________________________________________________

马德里不思议 突然的想念你
彩绘玻璃前的身影 只有孤单变浓郁
马德里不思议 突然那麽想念你
我带着爱抒情的远行

Apologises

I was flipping through my friend's book when I came across this phrase that set me thinking and reflecting once more. It states something like "Mistakes which are repeated becomes habits which cannot be easily corrected."

This leads me to think of another phrase which I came across some years back. It is said that thoughts turn into beliefs; beliefs become actions; actions form habits; habits shape character; and character defines destiny.

A sudden rush of adrenaline ran through my bloodstream and this sense of guilt overwhelmed me.

My parents had been reminding me relentlessly that I need to change my short-tempered and rash behaviour that I have. I always viewed it as an inheritance from my mother and have always attributed this attitude as a result of my condition. I've always take their advise lightly thinking that there's nothing wrong with my character and this persisted on for a number of years (i think).

And in the entire process, I must admit I have hurt a lot of people, including my closest loved ones like my grandmother. Just like last week, I boomed and fired my grandmother just because she came to advise me not to quarrel with my brother. This, is a really small thing, but I made a mountain out of it.

Something's wrong with me, but I don't know what. I went for my counselling session as usual and decided for the first time after so many sessions to finally pour out everything, every problem which I am facing. I told my counsellor that I always thought I am right, that whatever I'm doing is right. I cited a few examples, mostly failed relationships with my family, my friends and even my (once) closest friends.

And she gave me only one sentence

"Change, if your actions are hurting everyone around you."

And that rang a bell in my ears. My actions have inevitably caused misery to so many people around me. I've moved on. Right, I did but how about those that are around me, that I have inflicted pain upon. Can they move on? Are they able to move on?

Will they accept my apologises if i apologise? Is it too late for apologies? I want so much in my heart and mind to apologise. But how?

That's the question.

A poem to myself

Just as I was emo-ing and feeling all alone, this clip gave me a small glimpse of hope. It felt so close to my heart. I was feeling exactly like the guy in the video.

The alarm rings, and your ear hurts.
With your mind spinning, you're going to work.
The world brushes past you without you knowing,
Time ticks by before you knowing.

It's a new week ahead,
As the vicious cycle heads,
Some things go wrong,
But some gives you motivation to go on.

When that motivation disappears,
Opportunities pass and never appears.
The world moves on,
You're forced to move on.

You can't find comfort in anything,
Or anyone.
You are your only source of solutions,
Believing in your own notions.

But God is always fair,
Just like he is unfair.
No one has to be there,
To see how you have fared.

When shit happens,
you ain't sure why.
Misunderstanding arises,
you don't know why.

To be angry for what you do,
I shall,
To be angry with you,
I shall not.

If the time comes, I'd still do it,
For inside of me, I know it's right to do it.
For if you are right, I will fight for you,
If you are wrong, I'd fight with you.

Treasure friendships instead of rift it.
Treasure life instead of break it.
Misunderstandings are cleared when you understand it.
Miracles happen when you believe it.

To salvage this friendship,
I will try,
To lose that friendship,
I will cry.

72mins 31sec 22milli-sec

- Random thoughts - they just don't stop coming.

~~~


"Know me for what I do and for not what I am.
Judge me for what I can do and not for what I have done." -PRAVS J

You are the pillar that I've been drawing strength from.
You are the foundation of my stable structure.
You are the one who has always been reaching out to the passive me.

Just want to say, thanks for everything,
From the bottom of my heart.

Colours

I've realised that my "favourite" colour has been changing. Some colours I like can last for a day, sometimes a month, sometimes even a year!

See how my favourite colours have changed.

Cheerful Yellow -> Sophisticated Purple -> Innocent White -> Intense Red -> Masculine Green -> Loyal Blue

Cool huh?

What's your favourite colour now?

BOOM

I'm feeling damn f**ked up now. The world seem to be opposing with me.

First, I applied 5 days leave with sth on my mind. And then suddenly, the guy called the day b4 to cancel it. Fine. I thought I'd use these 5 days to do sth meaningful.

And for the first day, I made my way to Chinatown to get some budget household items and then celebrated KC's last day b4 his enlistment. Yipee, I thought, task fulfilled.

My mum made a big exclamation about wanting to bring my bro and I to make passport. Yea. I thought. At least my 2nd day's meaningful. Who knows?! It only took less then 15mins. And to add on to that, my bro freaking came late. By 1 hour! And the ICA building closed. So, ended up rotting at home again.

3rd day, thought today would be better but end up, rotting again. J asked me out to COMEX. We met up, went to meet K and then left for Suntec. J and K suggested me and my grand make our way to the escalator and wait for them while they head to look for S. Time crawled while waiting. Finally a call came to tell me they were waiting for S to look through the brochures. Fine, I shouldn't get angry. So, I brought my grand to walk around. After our rounds, they're still not done. Hmmm... No phone call.

Picks up phone and dials J's no.

(too...too...too.................................) no answer.

I got to go, I told myself. This is getting meaningless. I smsed J.

"Hey, I bring my grand home. You guys go ahead."

BUZZ BUZZ "U not joining us?"

"I thought you going club?"

............................

"Where are you all now? I bring her to the MRT then go back join u all. U nt going club right?"

............................

............................

............................

"Urgh. Nvm. U guys go ahead"

(Disturbed, Switch off phone, make way home.)

(Reached home.) BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Had a huge fight with parents.

-END OF STORY-
______________________________________________________________
Thanks for the wasted leave, Z. I'll nv go n work 4 u agn. RMB.

human nature

And when those trials come, my human nature shouts the things to do, and God's soft prompting, can be easily ignored...

Friendship? Think about that.

I'm jealous. At the same time angry with myself. I suck at human relations. My heart get swayed so easily. While some others are having fun joining their classmates/camp mates/ etc, I'm here spending time alone, pondering over many failed relationships, hoping to find answers, but failed. Terribly.

But one thing is for sure, at least I know friends like KC and KY are still there, waiting for me to open up, reach out, befriend with them once again after losing contact for some time. I know people start questioning me and pointing fingers at me saying that I never do enough to reach out to them, speak up, etc and I expected that coming. It hurts raking up my past. I try my best to move on. And so far, I'm only prepared to take baby steps.

However, it was KC/KY who pulled me out of where I was from and gave me directions towards friendship and life. Life is a very shitty game but its graphics are amazing. Indeed, we paint our lives with colours we want but we need a second pair of eyes at times to judge our masterpiece, and teaching us how we should improve from there. For that, I thank them for playing that role, guiding me all these while, never giving up, never forgetting me, never forgetting my presence.

I am an introvert since young and I love to stay at home. The way I am brought up, the circumstances I was put into shaped me into the character I have today. I dislike that character but its really hard (trust me) to really try and change asap. There have been setbacks, there are times when I try too hard but end up with nothing and there are times when I wished I am invisible. But I know now that at least these 2 people know me well enough to help me change, at least a little. They try to pull me out for gatherings whenever they can, whether it's for a simple swimming session for 2 hrs to simple lunch/dinner or even an hour on the chat line.

Isn't that how friends should be? We complement for each other's weaknesses, we give each other support from the heart, we help each other improve, we analyse each other's problems, find possible solutions, we cry, laugh, go through shit, share experiences with each other, not a lot but at least a little to hold the conversation and understand each other better, rather than get all busy with work, with other social gatherings, immensing ourselves in self-improvement and studies and neglect the closest people beside you.

Food for thought, perhaps?

"Making every minute count"

I was flipping through the straits times and came across this article under the "think" column. A quote which I felt had an impact on me was that "Living life on a knife's edge allows one to enjoy the present moment fully and not worry what the next moment will bring." This is so true in today's context where we always take things for granted.

Interestingly, the "think" column had also sparked a debate over whether or not PRs should serve the nation...

Also, under the "home" section, look out for the special report on the death of privacy! it's part of Science and Technology and is one of the HOT topics for GP essays... Good for those taking GP. Have a look at it. :)

Some random thoughts to end my post...

"啊! 多么痛的领悟 你曾是我的全部
只是我回首来时路的每一步
都走得好孤独..."

weight loss

I really need to lose weight... I gained about 6kg in just like 2 mths??? Oh, what the hell!

Miracle

My carefree days are gonna be over in about 26 hrs. Guess I'll just have to take it and see what happens next.

Miracles do happen, right?

Random thoughts

Every night I cry myself to sleep, thinking why does this happen to me?

PARODY!!!

LOL! Thanks to my cousin Sandra (and not to forget, mr brown), I finally understood what's the real meaning of a parody. And best of all, my name was even mentioned in it! Wahahahaha~

Be sure to catch the two versions below ^^

ORIGINAL MV


Parody Version


Original Mr Brown version (Song only)
MrBrownShow.Com

Someone even commented:

fleek Says:
MAY 31ST, 2009 AT 11:32 AM
The lyrics a bit sala lah.
The chorus should be.
If you eat already, wash your hand too.
If you pee already, wash your hand too.
If you poo already, wash your hand too.
What do you use to wash your body? Washing machine?

ROFL! Thanks to axis1019 (from youtube) too for putting "the MTV and their funny rendition together". "And oh my, the dance moves just seem to work well with the new lyrics!"

So go on and laugh your asses off! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

Volunteerism

Remember the $2 old lady I was talking about in my previous post? She came back again today. I don't know how to say this but this was what happened (according to my mum):

The old lady came a few days ago and happened to be queuing up for rice during peak hour. So, she sat down and started chatting with another lady beside her, saying that she lost all her money and jewelery to her grandson and that her daughter abandoned her. It happened that the lady she was talking to was a rich tai tai. After hearing her story, the lady gave her $50. I guess it was out of compassion that she actually gave her the money. She even got her maid to help her to her flat. But the story doesn't end here.

The old lady came back the next day and then the following days looking for this rich tai tai to the extent that she went to ask my parents when she usually come and why she wasn't there everytime. I can't stop by assuming that she was looking for the tai tai for money. The worse part is, someone caught her gambling at the void deck. Whether it was with tai tai's money or not, I'm not sure but hopefully it's not. Suddenly, I had a total change of impression of her and I can't help but despise her of her act.

I'm not angry that she comes back for money but my point is, if you say you are poor and that you are getting monthly allowance from the govt and some kind-hearted people like the tai tai, you should be spending your money wisely but instead, people caught her gambling at the void deck. I just feel that this is really ridiculous and I can't help but think of Mrs Lau's story about the person collecting food supplies from donors with a hamburger in the hand. If you are really poor, I doubt you'll have the spare cash to spend on these luxury products, not to say even gamble away the money.

Not that I'm critising her but I just feel it really isn't right to do that. This is also one of the factor that is stopping me from doing volunteering work (if any) because people take you for granted, at least in Singapore itself.

I don't know... Maybe I'm just too emotional over these kinda things. Haix...

Insomnia

My insomnia is getting worse as the days go by. Sleeping pill isn't helping anymore cos I've become too dependent on it, up to a point where it stopped having its effect. I can stay awake the entire night with songs ringing in my brain, disturbing me like nobody's business. I suspect I inherited the "cannot sleep" gene from my mama. Haix.I guess that's just life.

$2

If you happen to be a foodstall holder and an old lady in her 80s, who has problem walking even with a walking stick, comes up to you and ask if you could do her a favour by selling 2 packets of rice with just $2 so that she and her handicapped friend could have something to eat, would you sell it to her?

Well, that was really what happened yesterday at my dad's stall. I can't help but feel really sorry for her. I couldn't help but hold my tears back. In the end, my dad sold it to her. I'm not trying to say that we had a really big heart of compassion but it's really painful to see that there are still so many people out there who needs our help. At that moment, I just felt I was back in sec sch helping out at CIP projects and the joy I got out of it.

However, what made me really regretful was that I should have given her a bigger bowl of rice but instead, I gave only 3/4 of what I usually give to other customers to her just because she only had $2. My dad also cut down on the amount of meat that went with the rice.

I don't know but I just felt that we shouldn't have done that... right?

rainbow

i saw a rainbow today - it was so beautiful.

音乐课

听着自己的心跳在歌曲中不断地跟旋律跳动，情绪也跟着歌声飘浮不定，一次又一次地被感动，我终于鼓起了勇气，会问我父母是否能到音乐学院上课。很遗憾的，我又得到了同样的答复-NO。学音乐学来干嘛？难道你以为自己能和孙燕姿一样红遍全世界吗？

" 。。。"

和以往一样，我就象缩头乌龟一样不敢顶嘴。其实我想说的是，学音乐纯粹是为了兴趣，不是为了名誉。或许我不能成为出类拔萃的音乐家，但至少我能完成自己的一个小小心愿。我想，这就是命运吧。只要有天生的才能，再加上英俊美丽的外貌，就一定能在演艺圈里出人头地。像我这种尽没有才艺，又长得像丑八怪一样的人，是注定这一生一事无成的。嗨~我还是别执迷不悟，发白日梦了。像我这种人只能乖乖的守在电脑荧幕前，望梅止渴咯。。。

以下送上林宥嘉的歌曲-你是我的眼
很好听哦~