frustrations

i dun feel happy at all. like something is missing. my brain feels so empty but my heart feels so heavy. the devil and angel had been playing tricks on me ever since judgement day last fri. at times, i feel i didnt make the wrong choice, and that for the amount of efforts i've put in, the results that turned out was already better than expected. but on the other hand, the devil's telling me that i should blame the ppl ard me, the environment, the tchers and everyone else ard me. then again, the question since others can do it, why can't i keeps reverberating inside my mind. like nightmares after nightmares after nightmares.

the more ppl encourages me, the more ppl say that i did well, the more pathetic i felt i was. like are they saying the truth? are they mocking at me? are they trying to be sacrastic? even my parents doesn't understand me at all. my mum had been forcing me to make decisions that she wants, not sth which i want. she thinks she knows everything but she doesn't. she don't even know after 2 years of my entire f*cked up JC life, what i am actually studying. she still thinks i studied H2 Econs and Maths and H1 Bio in JC. Omgosh. i've told her at least 5 times. aren't i pathetic.

if that's not pathetic enough, she has been forcing me to go into engineering saying that there's a better job prospect in the future. come on, if i wanted to be an engineer, i'd hav taken physics in JC. she's not helping at all, jus adding to my frustrations.

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