Mother

My mum cried in front of me. In the market. It's really surprising that a person with so much courage and willpower actually have times when they breakdown and cry.

We were just chatting when she suddenly brought up my grandmother. My mother's mum had already passed away for about 4 months but whenever my mum talks about her, she'll try and hold back her tears but I know she misses her so so so much. And whenever I see her sad, I too had to control my tears. It's just so emotional. Apart from saying "Don't think about it. It's unavoidable." I seriuosly can't think of anything that I can help to make her feel better even though I really want to.

I finally understand why she keeps scolding us even for a nitty-gritty stuff. She doesn't want us to regret as she did. She wants us to be filial to our parents now when they are alive for she doesn't have a chance anymore.

She's still carrying a huge burden on her shoulders. The pain of seeing her closest loved one leaving her, someone who had brought her up to be who she is today, someone who showered her children with her love and care, someone who braved through World War 2 all by herself, is just so painful, so heart-piercing that it cannot be forgotten as easily as one says it.

I had so much going through my mind just now but I just can't write anymore. I have so much thoughts spinning in my head now. I should not let my mum worry. I have do think of my future. I have to think about my route after A levels. She hopes to see me working in an office, wearing long sleeve shirts with tie and leather boots but I have dreams that are completely opposite from that. Should I follow my dreams or should I go the boring way, to work in offices, what will the consequences, my future be like if I chose either routes? I seriously don't know. I just hope I'll straightened out my thoughts someday. I'm just so confused right now. God, please, please lead me and guide me.

"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone." - Harriet Beecher Stowe

May we live our lifes without any regrets.